selfish
it seems now
i should have left
speaking in actions
instead of muttered sounds so desolate and despaired
left you in the gutter
show you what you got
and lost
selfish it seems now
to revel in past kisses
eyes smiling like lillies in morning dew
i could have been stronger
i could have been strong
the should haves
tangled me up
ah this weakness
i curse
strong i wanted to rise
like her
june
and you'd been
john
Thursday, July 31, 2008
sunsetblvd
I remember that night when things first broke
and I loved you so much
and so desperately
when I knew that I could never touch you in that longing for her
the perfect untouched one
who died with nothing there to put her to shame
16 years old only or was it 17
I found all these messages
the first time
it was nothing you said
and i cried and cried
at walgreens i bought cigarettes and my mom tried to talk
barefeet i ran to food4less
while you were sleeping
the first time so disconnected
in the morning you tried to make love to me
just so it was all worth the idea
another night on sunset blvd
the motel with that palmtreesign
and Kaspar told me about his travelling plans all around the mediterranean sea
it was 2006 and we were still free
to stay or to go
and it took me such a long time to take a liking to those songs because they were hers
mazzy star
fade into you, putting me to sleep while you were gone
reminding me of a soft night in which you made macaronis with milk
Wilcox avenue at tif's
and later i saw you there again
sitting at the door
but now you just want to be gone
and nobody on your back
so sorry. was i baggage?
i thought it was worth a battle
but now we are gone
it was a wild night
full of darkest promises
that were fulfilled
ah how deep the sting
i still feel
your smiling eyes
caressing
when you loved
me
or so we thought.
and I loved you so much
and so desperately
when I knew that I could never touch you in that longing for her
the perfect untouched one
who died with nothing there to put her to shame
16 years old only or was it 17
I found all these messages
the first time
it was nothing you said
and i cried and cried
at walgreens i bought cigarettes and my mom tried to talk
barefeet i ran to food4less
while you were sleeping
the first time so disconnected
in the morning you tried to make love to me
just so it was all worth the idea
another night on sunset blvd
the motel with that palmtreesign
and Kaspar told me about his travelling plans all around the mediterranean sea
it was 2006 and we were still free
to stay or to go
and it took me such a long time to take a liking to those songs because they were hers
mazzy star
fade into you, putting me to sleep while you were gone
reminding me of a soft night in which you made macaronis with milk
Wilcox avenue at tif's
and later i saw you there again
sitting at the door
but now you just want to be gone
and nobody on your back
so sorry. was i baggage?
i thought it was worth a battle
but now we are gone
it was a wild night
full of darkest promises
that were fulfilled
ah how deep the sting
i still feel
your smiling eyes
caressing
when you loved
me
or so we thought.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
the dark side of the moon
You're a big girl now
says he
and Dad says it too
he just meant it in a different way
he meant that I came through
and now he can see how I grew
But I am lingering still
it's at the dark side of the moon
ah, my heart swoons,
this pain it stabs and stings
and there is no time
at the dark side
it's frozen
no warmth
to bring it back to flow
I walk the streets
in my life
sort of hollow
words don't mend
and touch can't explain
it just throbs and quivers
my soul
fastened to a stone
Everything that is possible
and new better things to rise
the horizon just drafting along
the now inexplicably ignorant
to changes that might come
I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh,
With a pain that stops and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart
Ever since we've been apart.
says he
and Dad says it too
he just meant it in a different way
he meant that I came through
and now he can see how I grew
But I am lingering still
it's at the dark side of the moon
ah, my heart swoons,
this pain it stabs and stings
and there is no time
at the dark side
it's frozen
no warmth
to bring it back to flow
I walk the streets
in my life
sort of hollow
words don't mend
and touch can't explain
it just throbs and quivers
my soul
fastened to a stone
Everything that is possible
and new better things to rise
the horizon just drafting along
the now inexplicably ignorant
to changes that might come
I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh,
With a pain that stops and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart
Ever since we've been apart.
Monday, July 07, 2008
beneath
Know, that it is in the light it will shine, the smaller the source the brighter the impact of reflection. I have suffered of inconvenient truths. You and I; an inconvenient truth. How things do matter, no matter how much we try to deny it. Lessons to be learned, swept under the carpet, where they multiply to overwhelm us in darkest night.
Strange days have found us and so it was, all that caught up to us later, stripped away, offering our raw hearts to the souls ,winged, daring, yet still too weak to withstand the trials of an adult life, the storms, the thundering silence and the aftermath. Doubts.
The playful dance, the between, got smashed and damaged, I cried my fears and tears out, you disappeared in paralyzed terror, sliding towards the culmination of a dynamic emerging from within your soul, the gaps, occupied by urging, darker forces.
My inner roundabout circles imploded, exploded, lava trickling into all orifices, suffocating, suffering, accusing, instead of aMUSEing.
What reads like a predictable story of tragic napoleonic delusions of grandeur in love and relationships of young adults, contains the poesie of a fresh, blossoming haiku with the scents of a bursting cherry blossom tree.
Inbetween the lines, in the fragil space of eyes, hand and hearts talking, where words can't breathe, nor reach, nor teach, are the images of a love that is stronger than anything, permeating in ripples the eternity of the sea.
I will never forget, how you sat naked, playing the guitar, your dark curls framing your loving eyes, mouth, ears, chin, cheeks, nose, eyebrows, how your hands almost shy, made the instrument and my soul sing, giving me the love that I have always waited for. In this intimacy that exceeded eroticism I could feel my wings opening, ready to fly, my heart, in you, to you, with you, straight.
Strange days have found us and so it was, all that caught up to us later, stripped away, offering our raw hearts to the souls ,winged, daring, yet still too weak to withstand the trials of an adult life, the storms, the thundering silence and the aftermath. Doubts.
The playful dance, the between, got smashed and damaged, I cried my fears and tears out, you disappeared in paralyzed terror, sliding towards the culmination of a dynamic emerging from within your soul, the gaps, occupied by urging, darker forces.
My inner roundabout circles imploded, exploded, lava trickling into all orifices, suffocating, suffering, accusing, instead of aMUSEing.
What reads like a predictable story of tragic napoleonic delusions of grandeur in love and relationships of young adults, contains the poesie of a fresh, blossoming haiku with the scents of a bursting cherry blossom tree.
Inbetween the lines, in the fragil space of eyes, hand and hearts talking, where words can't breathe, nor reach, nor teach, are the images of a love that is stronger than anything, permeating in ripples the eternity of the sea.
I will never forget, how you sat naked, playing the guitar, your dark curls framing your loving eyes, mouth, ears, chin, cheeks, nose, eyebrows, how your hands almost shy, made the instrument and my soul sing, giving me the love that I have always waited for. In this intimacy that exceeded eroticism I could feel my wings opening, ready to fly, my heart, in you, to you, with you, straight.
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