of course you were right.
intellectual pursuit can´t be all there is. i have been there, you claimed, and it couldn´t help me one bit when i was hanging at the end of my little rope. the only thing powerful enough was faith.
of course i would agree with you. I still don´t know, if you were right though. Would you have come to the end of your rope had you pursued thought consequently enough? if you had doven into it for the love of it?
i don´t know.
in the end, still, i think love matters.
and still, of course, we can´t cast blame and talk bad about intellectuality, about conscious thought. about people pursuing it deeply. it is all necessary. the critical thought, the transcending poem, the word.

i love you

of course we could never be together I say to him. he has all sorts of idea why that is true. sometimes they almost seem like masked insanity. it is a nice challenge but life seems so much more to me. obviously, of course, i could be wrong and i just don´t understand it. maybe i am just not well versed enough to even see why that would matter. but then I remember Jo. and how sharp his knives were and how elevating conversations were with him. and how they never left me feeling i was far beyond him or not worth the conversation. he was genuinly interested. how could he be interested when it wasn´t brilliant thought i was delivering? i want to sharpen my knives. i do, in a way. but Jo knew there was more. and it was beyond words. and while he knew of the value of sharp knives he also knew how to cook.
i don´t want to make it too easy on me. but my intuition usually is right. there is something, and you know it. there is something and it is not quite right. there must be more.

his voice sounds a little amused and lenient toward me. i was just saying how it seems to be quite difficult to get to meet you he says, and i am not sure if there is annoyance in his tone or is it amusement or both.
my pulse is up a little and i feel like a 13 year old, squirming inside, a little, his voice knows no walls or nets or borders, it touches my heart directly and unforgivingly. he is way older than me. he is the guy that makes me wish i had been born 20 years before my time. i am balancing along the fine line between soul-mate and inexplicable earthly attraction.
do i have to bury it inside?
silence pervades my soul