there is nothing i can do or that has happened that has successfully put you out of my mind. i can´t forget. not so much even forget, but stop. i have loved you in a way that i haven´t found with anyone. there is nothing i can do about this now, can i?
so many things remind me of you. your way of being with me is still resonating with me. when you shut it off it was walking in salt deserts. my heart´s breaking and my yearnings. there is nothing that can put it into words for me.
i am way past it now, right? it´s very long ago. there is no reason i should still look back. or is it looking into the depths?
i am tired, of you, darkness.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
dreams
Melancholy my friend.
You hold your fortress well my friend, on the dark side of the moon.
You hold the balance well my friend, on the dark side of my moon.
Melancholy my friend, you flood my dreams with images of distortion and blue.
Melancholy my friend, have I not been good to you?
My sorrows, who can weigh them but us?
They are nothing against the tall blue sky.
They are everything agains my days.
Boison berry jam and words of his soul. I kneel down now, in front of you all. I am on the living side, lend me a hand. Show me your strength, show me your soul. Alone, I cannot walk this path, lend me a hand, melancholy, my friend, lend me a hand.
You hold your fortress well my friend, on the dark side of the moon.
You hold the balance well my friend, on the dark side of my moon.
Melancholy my friend, you flood my dreams with images of distortion and blue.
Melancholy my friend, have I not been good to you?
My sorrows, who can weigh them but us?
They are nothing against the tall blue sky.
They are everything agains my days.
Boison berry jam and words of his soul. I kneel down now, in front of you all. I am on the living side, lend me a hand. Show me your strength, show me your soul. Alone, I cannot walk this path, lend me a hand, melancholy, my friend, lend me a hand.
Friday, October 22, 2010
i feel something heavy inside. it is almost tangible out here too. lights flashing through my veins. it is impossible to know and i am whirling like a derwish, i wail to the moon inside my mouth, spit it out, spit it out.
lifting the unknown into the fresh cold from within.
music makes it easier. tears find their ways easily, stopping softly before my eyes, creating a sea of floods that one day will break through.
love, oh love, when can i break through. when will the hesitating subside. when will i be free from this stone that is tying me to the grounds. there is no signs on the surface, just a sadder face, a sadder look in the eyes and a mumbling heart.
lifting the unknown into the fresh cold from within.
music makes it easier. tears find their ways easily, stopping softly before my eyes, creating a sea of floods that one day will break through.
love, oh love, when can i break through. when will the hesitating subside. when will i be free from this stone that is tying me to the grounds. there is no signs on the surface, just a sadder face, a sadder look in the eyes and a mumbling heart.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
inner sovereignty it is i feel the distance takes me to a place from which i can smirk at everything passing: i might be very well dead but i am not, i haven´t crossed, i am in the possession of a body and senses, i am still alive.
you show some sort of respect to that, and i like it. i indeed revel in it a wee bit before i feel the pain ebbing in and silences me relentlessly.
you are gone. and it is so impossible, that sometimes i can talk about it just like that but the very actual moment when it happened, when you fell, i will never forget, i will never be able to fully grasp nor understand, it was so sudden and out of the blue, it has changed my life utterly and completely, even though it might not seem so from the outside.
from in here it feels different now. i feel so broken inside, it is almost beautiful. trust me, i would trade it ANY day for the old ways. if you were only still alive. with us. if you hadn´t crossed before my eyes.
people are so utterly self consumed, it is quite funny. i remember that i could be the one asking, touching, reaching out but it is quite difficult to do from the place where i am at right now. i just sit and watch the evening go by.
tears fall down in the cold sunlight there is a moment of pain stabbing in my head and then it is gone.
i will never be the same, and that, certainly, is true for anyone.
you show some sort of respect to that, and i like it. i indeed revel in it a wee bit before i feel the pain ebbing in and silences me relentlessly.
you are gone. and it is so impossible, that sometimes i can talk about it just like that but the very actual moment when it happened, when you fell, i will never forget, i will never be able to fully grasp nor understand, it was so sudden and out of the blue, it has changed my life utterly and completely, even though it might not seem so from the outside.
from in here it feels different now. i feel so broken inside, it is almost beautiful. trust me, i would trade it ANY day for the old ways. if you were only still alive. with us. if you hadn´t crossed before my eyes.
people are so utterly self consumed, it is quite funny. i remember that i could be the one asking, touching, reaching out but it is quite difficult to do from the place where i am at right now. i just sit and watch the evening go by.
tears fall down in the cold sunlight there is a moment of pain stabbing in my head and then it is gone.
i will never be the same, and that, certainly, is true for anyone.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
never entirely sure why we say and do the things we say and do.
it could be clarity in your mind or hidden jealousy, crouching tigers, flying dragons, life to live by.
i understand now that you stopped interpreting. stopped dreaming. stopped weaving visions into the threads of unfolding life.
stories untold. fairy tales ignored. zebras and moonbeams and a circus mind that is running around.
you stopped believing. there is no faith, only resignation. diving into the unknown. without a safety net. just like that. free fall.
love couldn't stop you. you said, it is impossible. you have never resignated before. i have. i have resignated. we can't be together.
she looks at me in distress. that's what he said to me. he doesn't feel that he is worth being loved. what has ever been worth being loved? we don't know anything about that. love is because of the mysteries it unfolds. and enfolds.
we are lying in the gras. it is dry from the hot summer sun but the rolling meadow looks soft like elven-grass and the trees stand tall and hum in the soft breeze their summer songs. we are both topless. she plays with a blade of grass, re-drawing the contures of my body, tickeling my breasts, gazing into the sparsely clouded skies, reading me a book.
strange she says, with you i don't feel the absence of a man. i feel that it is completely and utterly okay, sufficient, i am just happy the way it is. i smile. is that a compliment? or does that mean i have more man-qualities than your other friends? no, no she says. you are just a woman that makes me happy the way it is.
we roll on our stomachs. somebody asks for a lighter. she squints her eyes and talks about life. about nothing in particular. about her friend. her laughter bursts out like colors splashing agains a white wall. her heart-rhythm is strong and beautiful. a dance to be involved in. to listen to. to feel embraced.
i lie on her stomach. her skin is smooth and light. her beautiful curves and the way she gives me a light but warm kiss on the mouth. she is like a sister to me. oh sister, when i come, to lie at your side.
she is de-tangeling herself softly and slowly from the tapestry of her past. her safety. her parents. her upbringing. ready to killing it softly with her song.
she is coming on strong.
i am either the best friend or just a sexual sidekick to men she says, pouting. i think i am not mysterious enough. i smile. i know these exact words. she is more mysterious than she probably will ever know. the layers of her heart and soul, the intricate complexity of her spirit, her feeling, her thinking, her moving in space and time. her smile. her embrace, when she holds me while i cry. the book she bought me just because. the things she says and doesn't say. her bare feet in the sun.
he will come. i say and i hope it is true for the both of us.
meanwhile i lean back and enjoy a perfect summerbreezeday at the lake. with her. naked. in body and soul. freely swinging, back and forth.
it could be clarity in your mind or hidden jealousy, crouching tigers, flying dragons, life to live by.
i understand now that you stopped interpreting. stopped dreaming. stopped weaving visions into the threads of unfolding life.
stories untold. fairy tales ignored. zebras and moonbeams and a circus mind that is running around.
you stopped believing. there is no faith, only resignation. diving into the unknown. without a safety net. just like that. free fall.
love couldn't stop you. you said, it is impossible. you have never resignated before. i have. i have resignated. we can't be together.
she looks at me in distress. that's what he said to me. he doesn't feel that he is worth being loved. what has ever been worth being loved? we don't know anything about that. love is because of the mysteries it unfolds. and enfolds.
we are lying in the gras. it is dry from the hot summer sun but the rolling meadow looks soft like elven-grass and the trees stand tall and hum in the soft breeze their summer songs. we are both topless. she plays with a blade of grass, re-drawing the contures of my body, tickeling my breasts, gazing into the sparsely clouded skies, reading me a book.
strange she says, with you i don't feel the absence of a man. i feel that it is completely and utterly okay, sufficient, i am just happy the way it is. i smile. is that a compliment? or does that mean i have more man-qualities than your other friends? no, no she says. you are just a woman that makes me happy the way it is.
we roll on our stomachs. somebody asks for a lighter. she squints her eyes and talks about life. about nothing in particular. about her friend. her laughter bursts out like colors splashing agains a white wall. her heart-rhythm is strong and beautiful. a dance to be involved in. to listen to. to feel embraced.
i lie on her stomach. her skin is smooth and light. her beautiful curves and the way she gives me a light but warm kiss on the mouth. she is like a sister to me. oh sister, when i come, to lie at your side.
she is de-tangeling herself softly and slowly from the tapestry of her past. her safety. her parents. her upbringing. ready to killing it softly with her song.
she is coming on strong.
i am either the best friend or just a sexual sidekick to men she says, pouting. i think i am not mysterious enough. i smile. i know these exact words. she is more mysterious than she probably will ever know. the layers of her heart and soul, the intricate complexity of her spirit, her feeling, her thinking, her moving in space and time. her smile. her embrace, when she holds me while i cry. the book she bought me just because. the things she says and doesn't say. her bare feet in the sun.
he will come. i say and i hope it is true for the both of us.
meanwhile i lean back and enjoy a perfect summerbreezeday at the lake. with her. naked. in body and soul. freely swinging, back and forth.
Friday, July 02, 2010
passing by
more and more often I have these flashes of images - you walking by and us not recognizing each other at all anymore. in the way we did. when we loved. further and further away you appear from the inside.
i would see you with your wife or your kid even and we'd just pass.
aren't you happy now you ask, we both got what we wanted.
you are married
and i am in Berlin.
i would see you with your wife or your kid even and we'd just pass.
aren't you happy now you ask, we both got what we wanted.
you are married
and i am in Berlin.
Monday, June 28, 2010
ich radelte
und die musik in der nacht brachte bilder
janis joplin
santa monica blvd at night. envisioning you in your car, coming to a halt. asking me to get in. i felt like your bride. my heart was pounding. heavy. quivering.
but no tears yet no well.
dry.
other images in layers
i am sitting at the tree in berlin
at the spree
i see you walk in with your wife your girl on your arm
and you would walk by and we would
never meet
because it was a short time window that had opened
for us to meet
usually i was aware of the fact
that i would still pulsate
in excitement upon
seeing you
entering a room or a party
but that night
was different.
i knew, simply knew,
that we would have never talked.
time differences and spaces
making bubbles and protecting what is
it s good that way
it s just that i am watching
from the outside
i never had the chance to access
that well
of forgetting.
listen as the wind blows
crows disappear at night into the black
black in black
like my hopes.
und die musik in der nacht brachte bilder
janis joplin
santa monica blvd at night. envisioning you in your car, coming to a halt. asking me to get in. i felt like your bride. my heart was pounding. heavy. quivering.
but no tears yet no well.
dry.
other images in layers
i am sitting at the tree in berlin
at the spree
i see you walk in with your wife your girl on your arm
and you would walk by and we would
never meet
because it was a short time window that had opened
for us to meet
usually i was aware of the fact
that i would still pulsate
in excitement upon
seeing you
entering a room or a party
but that night
was different.
i knew, simply knew,
that we would have never talked.
time differences and spaces
making bubbles and protecting what is
it s good that way
it s just that i am watching
from the outside
i never had the chance to access
that well
of forgetting.
listen as the wind blows
crows disappear at night into the black
black in black
like my hopes.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
spa e
the vastness of the other world is consuming my music
or is it just one point, containing it all
the seed to let it grow
the tree into the spiritual world
a ladder to the heavens
a ladder to sweat and hard work
every day
a little bit of will
forget about discipline
it is in the steps
the getting up after falling down
like children
when they learn how to walk they say.
miles davis reveals in a silent way
i am a bit pouty
something my dad said upsetting me
the world has many more problems other than just that
you know it makes me think
the vastness
and the things we do
do they have any value
at all? when they feel good....
i mean, that doesnt' say anything after all.
or is it just one point, containing it all
the seed to let it grow
the tree into the spiritual world
a ladder to the heavens
a ladder to sweat and hard work
every day
a little bit of will
forget about discipline
it is in the steps
the getting up after falling down
like children
when they learn how to walk they say.
miles davis reveals in a silent way
i am a bit pouty
something my dad said upsetting me
the world has many more problems other than just that
you know it makes me think
the vastness
and the things we do
do they have any value
at all? when they feel good....
i mean, that doesnt' say anything after all.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
hope sandoval
the sun is softly crawling through my open balcony door. red, black and white. hope sandoval sings "for the rest of your life" and I fade into blue.
it is, it is, it is a new life.
I look like a buddhist nun almost. hair shaved off. my blue red scarf from India is sighing, hugging my curves.
I am not, I am not, I am not caught in your webs, no, no. There is a big world out there, I know that. My heart has left seedlings all over and blood and velvet tears.
Dreams come to haunt me with horrifying images. Your smile is a faint consolation. I know that she bares your child. Your shield. Your life. She is your wife.
Dead men tell no tales, I hear. Oh, hope, can you let me fly, fly, fly?
I am not fully standing now. Don t really feel the ground. So I must be floating on the wings of now.
Oh bluebird, she is gone. She is gone, so far, to places we can t reach, no, no.
I hang my head and cry to the bandoneon wailing. To the violin crying. To the banjo tickeling my wonders.
I will not think about this now. I will go play with the sun crawling over my floor. Letting the red curtains caress my cheeks, dry them, let the shell tell me of shores unreached and unfathomable. Let the black girl with the curly hair stare into the unknown. There is nothing, nothing, only now.
Ah, hope. Let the trees blossom and spruce. Let me sink into the earth to find roots. It will be summer soon. Straighten your forehead. Straighten your heart. Stretch, stretch. There will be wings.
it is, it is, it is a new life.
I look like a buddhist nun almost. hair shaved off. my blue red scarf from India is sighing, hugging my curves.
I am not, I am not, I am not caught in your webs, no, no. There is a big world out there, I know that. My heart has left seedlings all over and blood and velvet tears.
Dreams come to haunt me with horrifying images. Your smile is a faint consolation. I know that she bares your child. Your shield. Your life. She is your wife.
Dead men tell no tales, I hear. Oh, hope, can you let me fly, fly, fly?
I am not fully standing now. Don t really feel the ground. So I must be floating on the wings of now.
Oh bluebird, she is gone. She is gone, so far, to places we can t reach, no, no.
I hang my head and cry to the bandoneon wailing. To the violin crying. To the banjo tickeling my wonders.
I will not think about this now. I will go play with the sun crawling over my floor. Letting the red curtains caress my cheeks, dry them, let the shell tell me of shores unreached and unfathomable. Let the black girl with the curly hair stare into the unknown. There is nothing, nothing, only now.
Ah, hope. Let the trees blossom and spruce. Let me sink into the earth to find roots. It will be summer soon. Straighten your forehead. Straighten your heart. Stretch, stretch. There will be wings.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
my heart is drowning
but it is alright that you go
i would never want to hold you back
it's just hard to let it all go
i see there is also life coming
but i am at the dark side of the moon
my afternoons drift by slowly
like a sailing boat in still air
i wish i could hug and kiss you like i used to
when you were like my child or little brother
when we were lying under the starry night skies
talking life and death
now you are the pioneer to venture into
what is
after the passage of death.
but it is alright that you go
i would never want to hold you back
it's just hard to let it all go
i see there is also life coming
but i am at the dark side of the moon
my afternoons drift by slowly
like a sailing boat in still air
i wish i could hug and kiss you like i used to
when you were like my child or little brother
when we were lying under the starry night skies
talking life and death
now you are the pioneer to venture into
what is
after the passage of death.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
That we may ever live as friends
(Broken Feathers by The curse ov dialect)
There is no fading, no disappearing
You are always there, faint, like a notion, like a beat that pulses through my blood.
The concept of you not being here on the physical plane is hard to grasp. You were always there. An email away. A phonecall away. And calling you did.
So many people miss you.
My head started hurting after the ostheopathy treatments. Like little blades stabbing in the back and top of my skull.
Listening to a Schubert Orchestra piece tears started streaming like the waterfall that took your life. That you gave your life to.
I went through all the motions one more time. The images of you falling, they are tucked away, carefully, somewhere in the dark spaces inside my soul. At the dark side of the moon.
The moment of trying to bring you back to life and seeing you look increasingly dead. It was merely your body then.
And I was too panicked to even pray or rest or breathe next to your body that you had left. I just crawled through the jungle in shock, calling for help.
I don't know if I can ever forget. I will have to retrieve the lost moments. I will have to forge new ways to understand.
Spiritual gold out of dark blue pain matter.
That we may ever live as friends.
(Broken Feathers by The curse ov dialect)
There is no fading, no disappearing
You are always there, faint, like a notion, like a beat that pulses through my blood.
The concept of you not being here on the physical plane is hard to grasp. You were always there. An email away. A phonecall away. And calling you did.
So many people miss you.
My head started hurting after the ostheopathy treatments. Like little blades stabbing in the back and top of my skull.
Listening to a Schubert Orchestra piece tears started streaming like the waterfall that took your life. That you gave your life to.
I went through all the motions one more time. The images of you falling, they are tucked away, carefully, somewhere in the dark spaces inside my soul. At the dark side of the moon.
The moment of trying to bring you back to life and seeing you look increasingly dead. It was merely your body then.
And I was too panicked to even pray or rest or breathe next to your body that you had left. I just crawled through the jungle in shock, calling for help.
I don't know if I can ever forget. I will have to retrieve the lost moments. I will have to forge new ways to understand.
Spiritual gold out of dark blue pain matter.
That we may ever live as friends.
Monday, May 10, 2010
max paul maria
pale moon by max paul maria
i wake up and i am so mad at you. i look in the mirror my eyes are deep holes and everything is distorted.
lets just sing and drink and smoke and forget about everything. dance into the evening.
you are lying there just waiting to DIE!
are you kidding me?
it makes me mad.
you say you envy Joseph.
we all wish we had some more time with him. Also, he meditated. you just breathe and give yourself to your depression. i wanna shake you. fuck.
it's just not my place i guess but i am sending you this in my thoughts: get up and make the most of it. man.
i know you have tried all this time. but don't give up now. don't give up.
i wake up and i am so mad at you. i look in the mirror my eyes are deep holes and everything is distorted.
lets just sing and drink and smoke and forget about everything. dance into the evening.
you are lying there just waiting to DIE!
are you kidding me?
it makes me mad.
you say you envy Joseph.
we all wish we had some more time with him. Also, he meditated. you just breathe and give yourself to your depression. i wanna shake you. fuck.
it's just not my place i guess but i am sending you this in my thoughts: get up and make the most of it. man.
i know you have tried all this time. but don't give up now. don't give up.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
seeds
forever i have to carry
this seed
buried deep in the deserts
of my soul
full of possibilities
(- the lake! the spirits of wind dancing on the lake
silence shared beneath lanterns! forget the waterfalls! and their eternal song,-)
that my tears cannot bring to life
even if i let it rain hard, -
there is too much salt
sand forever, only stars
- remember that drawing well, remember! -
the snake wrapped
neatly snug around his
ankle
- so you can recognize the place! -
like a lightning only
so he could leave
- write me, in case you meet him
write me because he tamed me -
This Little Prince.
this seed
buried deep in the deserts
of my soul
full of possibilities
(- the lake! the spirits of wind dancing on the lake
silence shared beneath lanterns! forget the waterfalls! and their eternal song,-)
that my tears cannot bring to life
even if i let it rain hard, -
there is too much salt
sand forever, only stars
- remember that drawing well, remember! -
the snake wrapped
neatly snug around his
ankle
- so you can recognize the place! -
like a lightning only
so he could leave
- write me, in case you meet him
write me because he tamed me -
This Little Prince.
Friday, March 26, 2010
she sings i may know the words and it takes me on the flow of blue secrecies.
i am lost in my longing and loving for you
the earthy color of the dark yellow and orange of the monk's robe is comforting my blue mind
nothing really matters anymore
he says this life it is so short
why not make it about helping other people
i nod my head and see tears in the sky
gathering in the dusty clouds of old times
they are burning the fields these days
to make way for the new
to make way for the new
to make way
way
away.
distant guitar sounds bring me messengers on winged feet
they cry their eyes out on some distant stream
winding down the valleys and hills of rolling thunder
there is word on the street
that you may have come back
but it is wax and pillows only
and dreams evaporating in ricefields
and flies circeling around my body
as if it were merely
a corps
i will go and take a ride
try to find gifts and price
to all i have loved and lost
going with a smile into the
voids of an unknown veil
i am lost in my longing and loving for you
the earthy color of the dark yellow and orange of the monk's robe is comforting my blue mind
nothing really matters anymore
he says this life it is so short
why not make it about helping other people
i nod my head and see tears in the sky
gathering in the dusty clouds of old times
they are burning the fields these days
to make way for the new
to make way for the new
to make way
way
away.
distant guitar sounds bring me messengers on winged feet
they cry their eyes out on some distant stream
winding down the valleys and hills of rolling thunder
there is word on the street
that you may have come back
but it is wax and pillows only
and dreams evaporating in ricefields
and flies circeling around my body
as if it were merely
a corps
i will go and take a ride
try to find gifts and price
to all i have loved and lost
going with a smile into the
voids of an unknown veil
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
my heart is so heavy
sometimes i think i ll just throw it all and run away
dedicating it to circus art and music and crazy lifelove
but then it s winter
and it s the end of the semester
and it s the end of that old road
and it s time to get on a new path
it s just that - since it hasn t happen so far
i can t imagine at all
that i would ever fall again
so in love
and this makes me wonder
if i could just hear
what you think
but that s the box of pandora
is it!
and it s forbidden
ah the fruit.
sometimes i don t like people at all
especially when they stink
then i am reminded of how weird we are
and animals usually just so much better off
because so innocent and not so fuckin indulgent
i d love to love again
but mostly i am disgusted
sometimes i think i ll just throw it all and run away
dedicating it to circus art and music and crazy lifelove
but then it s winter
and it s the end of the semester
and it s the end of that old road
and it s time to get on a new path
it s just that - since it hasn t happen so far
i can t imagine at all
that i would ever fall again
so in love
and this makes me wonder
if i could just hear
what you think
but that s the box of pandora
is it!
and it s forbidden
ah the fruit.
sometimes i don t like people at all
especially when they stink
then i am reminded of how weird we are
and animals usually just so much better off
because so innocent and not so fuckin indulgent
i d love to love again
but mostly i am disgusted
Saturday, February 06, 2010
i am so sad. so sad. night engulfs my mind
Look into your own heart, the voice whispers.. Strange sounds surround us. Voices. Dreams, Opportunities, Convictions, Expectations, Principals, Ideals, Realities, Necessities, Demands, Pressures...
Ah, sometimes my soul spreads its wings and wants to fly into the warm summer night.
Polar light.
Deserts.
Sounds,
Smiles.
Tears,
Voices.
Stories.
Yet to be discovered by my self.
Ah, sometimes my soul spreads its wings and wants to fly into the warm summer night.
Polar light.
Deserts.
Sounds,
Smiles.
Tears,
Voices.
Stories.
Yet to be discovered by my self.
Friday, February 05, 2010
soap and skin
late night
cry wolf
exactly how i would have done it
the story goes on
life is a miracle
life is weird
this girl is crazy
she flies into the sun
the dark sun
and leaves me here
in goosebumps
and it's so good to forget
and sink
and fall
and rise
it makes all sense now
it comes all together
all she knows
is that she wants the inbetween
the difference
the nuance in black and gray
and i leave her to the white
and sink into the night
giving my peace away
that stirred this mind
cry wolf
exactly how i would have done it
the story goes on
life is a miracle
life is weird
this girl is crazy
she flies into the sun
the dark sun
and leaves me here
in goosebumps
and it's so good to forget
and sink
and fall
and rise
it makes all sense now
it comes all together
all she knows
is that she wants the inbetween
the difference
the nuance in black and gray
and i leave her to the white
and sink into the night
giving my peace away
that stirred this mind
Monday, February 01, 2010
mazzy star yet again
and the wounds are healing slowly
the scent of the memories is still lingering in the air now
purified
shedding all the tears
washing it all clean
scrubbing it with the salt
washing it all away
mazzy star
cry cry
like you knew i wouldn't do
it's hard to just keep on keep on
but sometimes that's we gotta do
no rest inside
you have to go so far that you are out of sight
otherwise there would be no way
i could turn around and leave you
and all that love
that was dripping off of you
bathing me in the sunlight
basking in the moonlight
and soft tears
welling up in our hearts
as we felt that our time had passed
a last
kiss
and
love made in fresh linen
like you do
like you do
like you do
like you do
the scent of the memories is still lingering in the air now
purified
shedding all the tears
washing it all clean
scrubbing it with the salt
washing it all away
mazzy star
cry cry
like you knew i wouldn't do
it's hard to just keep on keep on
but sometimes that's we gotta do
no rest inside
you have to go so far that you are out of sight
otherwise there would be no way
i could turn around and leave you
and all that love
that was dripping off of you
bathing me in the sunlight
basking in the moonlight
and soft tears
welling up in our hearts
as we felt that our time had passed
a last
kiss
and
love made in fresh linen
like you do
like you do
like you do
like you do
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
it takes away
tears are falling and there is nothing dramatic or pretentious about this.
he is dying.
and maybe he will survive
it comes as a slow shock
not like earthquakes
but slow like a draught
sucking away life
every day
this is just
more fragile
more see through
than life is anyways
it takes away
it takes away
illusions of safety
the music pours in now
and my head hurts
i want to hang it and cry
he is so beautiful
against the sky
there with his guitar
and his eyes half closed
life is tragic as it is
we don't need any more imagination
there he floats in the melodies and rhythms
like dandelions when they fly
and we can't ask
we can't ask why.
he is dying.
and maybe he will survive
it comes as a slow shock
not like earthquakes
but slow like a draught
sucking away life
every day
this is just
more fragile
more see through
than life is anyways
it takes away
it takes away
illusions of safety
the music pours in now
and my head hurts
i want to hang it and cry
he is so beautiful
against the sky
there with his guitar
and his eyes half closed
life is tragic as it is
we don't need any more imagination
there he floats in the melodies and rhythms
like dandelions when they fly
and we can't ask
we can't ask why.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
it is twelve past nine
the emergency exits are locked
there is no way out
only in only in
her tea always tastes like magic
i haven't been swimming in a long time
i want to sauna
i can't think
haiti
haiti
and him
how is pedro?
still roaming the streets?
collecting pieces of paper?
with no shoes on his feet?
his mother sounded so distressed
she says she will try and stay strong
and i know she can never forget the day
she found his brother - hung
in her attic
it's weird this life
like Uli
he deserves to be here!
so many alleys
and he can create and give so much!
and learn
but people in Haiti had to go
and Rwanda
and in Kabul
and Baghdad
and he might too
like Max who fought against brain tumors
and now
we only meet in dreams
and moments of unspoken truth
i can't find your traces
they don't lead to my doorstep
i have left my house long ago
when you left my heart in pieces
on my way somewhere i don't know
a train that is running
and i can't stop it, no, no
the emergency exits are locked
there is no way out
only in only in
her tea always tastes like magic
i haven't been swimming in a long time
i want to sauna
i can't think
haiti
haiti
and him
how is pedro?
still roaming the streets?
collecting pieces of paper?
with no shoes on his feet?
his mother sounded so distressed
she says she will try and stay strong
and i know she can never forget the day
she found his brother - hung
in her attic
it's weird this life
like Uli
he deserves to be here!
so many alleys
and he can create and give so much!
and learn
but people in Haiti had to go
and Rwanda
and in Kabul
and Baghdad
and he might too
like Max who fought against brain tumors
and now
we only meet in dreams
and moments of unspoken truth
i can't find your traces
they don't lead to my doorstep
i have left my house long ago
when you left my heart in pieces
on my way somewhere i don't know
a train that is running
and i can't stop it, no, no
Monday, January 25, 2010
well, but if i look in your eyes and see the smile in the corner of your lips i don't really have a real option as to whether or not.
so then it is, out of sight out of mind, and i sigh because i can't find the truth in any of that.
this music is old and worn out and i like to wear it like old favorite pants.
so then it is, out of sight out of mind, and i sigh because i can't find the truth in any of that.
this music is old and worn out and i like to wear it like old favorite pants.
Monday, January 18, 2010
maybe we should just be that - friends.
i look at him, riddled, and swallow
i don't think i could do that - is that what you want?
no, no. could be that we were lying then? we were like strangers
my heart was crying uncontrollably
everytime i couldn't make out with you
in the laundry room
when i touched your hand
and maybe you just felt sorry or obliged
that would be so terrible
after all these years, i still love you so
you mutter as you fall asleep
before i wash away in a flood of impossibilities
and you hold my hand
and ask me why
i let everyone i love
take advantage of me
i couldn't really say anything
but nestled into your arms i felt so safe
and it fitted
just so well
and the smell
the smell
and the smile!
your eyes.
the soul that i once had known.
i look at him, riddled, and swallow
i don't think i could do that - is that what you want?
no, no. could be that we were lying then? we were like strangers
my heart was crying uncontrollably
everytime i couldn't make out with you
in the laundry room
when i touched your hand
and maybe you just felt sorry or obliged
that would be so terrible
after all these years, i still love you so
you mutter as you fall asleep
before i wash away in a flood of impossibilities
and you hold my hand
and ask me why
i let everyone i love
take advantage of me
i couldn't really say anything
but nestled into your arms i felt so safe
and it fitted
just so well
and the smell
the smell
and the smile!
your eyes.
the soul that i once had known.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
i had this really strange dream
and we knew
you knew
that i had been your
only true love
i wiped a nephews behind
and got really impatient
i just wanted to talk to you
and find out the situation
why did you take me on this trip you said
and you were mad somehow
i said it hadn't been my idea
mom's
and i said remembere how we went up that hill
i later went down that steep slope
and i probably had mentioned also
your coming here with the new girl later on
why did you rub it in my face you said
and i felt sorry
and then you took me at the hand
and we knew
you knew
that i had been your
only true love
i wiped a nephews behind
and got really impatient
i just wanted to talk to you
and find out the situation
why did you take me on this trip you said
and you were mad somehow
i said it hadn't been my idea
mom's
and i said remembere how we went up that hill
i later went down that steep slope
and i probably had mentioned also
your coming here with the new girl later on
why did you rub it in my face you said
and i felt sorry
and then you took me at the hand
Saturday, January 09, 2010
ray sings empty
and i sit and swing forth and back about you
on my little rope
again
it's just the little buzz
it's just the coming home blues
it's just the snow
and being lonely
i check her site and i am almost upset
that there is no new pictures
i feel back
i fall back
i sink into the old unknown.
will i always feel that way?
so empty,
so estranged.
and I will go on a new journey
and fight new battles
and maybe I will win
one of them
and there will be still nothing to hold me
or someone
except my guardian angel
and boy did he do a good job
i am slipping
i am hiding
i am sliding
leaving the blanks unfulfilled
never calling anyone
but occasionally
it will be
just that way
gege
and i sit and swing forth and back about you
on my little rope
again
it's just the little buzz
it's just the coming home blues
it's just the snow
and being lonely
i check her site and i am almost upset
that there is no new pictures
i feel back
i fall back
i sink into the old unknown.
will i always feel that way?
so empty,
so estranged.
and I will go on a new journey
and fight new battles
and maybe I will win
one of them
and there will be still nothing to hold me
or someone
except my guardian angel
and boy did he do a good job
i am slipping
i am hiding
i am sliding
leaving the blanks unfulfilled
never calling anyone
but occasionally
it will be
just that way
gege
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Lhasa de Sela
lying awake and falling asleep to Lhasa de Sela in Monterey
it was the summer of 2007 and it was when the dying began
I was caught in a world of magical stories, dark and somber, putting one foot after the other on that blank page of what my present had become. running barefoot through the mossy backyard, climbing trees and hiding.
We were there with the whole family. Landed at a tiny little airport with a private little 8 seater.
And the art in the house was exquisite yet foreign to me and I fell asleep in the refuge of what her music became to me.
She has passed away now. Two and a half years only after I heard her in Marie's friends car in Hollywood.
My love had been as uncertain as my love at that point and I was heading into a foggy misty future. Not knowing where I would wound up. Free, free as a bird. Like a little wing. That flies on.
And see, where I landed. On track. and everything seems fine. Just running behind time a little bit. And a gift at my hands of a completely free and unbound excourse I took. Lhasa de Sela's music - 'The Living Road' especially and 'Lhasa' also - a painting of that emotion.
i can't yet put it really into words. i am nothing, standing in front of this lady who placed her life at the feet of the Unseen.
it was the summer of 2007 and it was when the dying began
I was caught in a world of magical stories, dark and somber, putting one foot after the other on that blank page of what my present had become. running barefoot through the mossy backyard, climbing trees and hiding.
We were there with the whole family. Landed at a tiny little airport with a private little 8 seater.
And the art in the house was exquisite yet foreign to me and I fell asleep in the refuge of what her music became to me.
She has passed away now. Two and a half years only after I heard her in Marie's friends car in Hollywood.
My love had been as uncertain as my love at that point and I was heading into a foggy misty future. Not knowing where I would wound up. Free, free as a bird. Like a little wing. That flies on.
And see, where I landed. On track. and everything seems fine. Just running behind time a little bit. And a gift at my hands of a completely free and unbound excourse I took. Lhasa de Sela's music - 'The Living Road' especially and 'Lhasa' also - a painting of that emotion.
i can't yet put it really into words. i am nothing, standing in front of this lady who placed her life at the feet of the Unseen.
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