it´s raining and raining. the sound soothes my soul. reminding me of a story, once told.... Astrell...and the chalk doors painted on the asphalt through which the magician with his cat Aljoscha found their way into her world...
you are pregnant now. this is true. you are headed for an adventure now. it is good.
and i, i remain here, thinking ... when will life show?

nobody said it was easy

So the echoes fade out... There was a busy time, of reading and sharing and experimenting with words. Creating. Alluding. Deconstructing. Reconstructing. Purging my heart.

And as I listen to Coldplay sing my mind wanders back, into forbidden rooms, not sure if I´ll find rotten mysteries or treasures of hearts of gold. You leave me in the blue. The layers I have painted over this picture are not very thick yet. You shine through in your earnesty and all your love and depth. I can´t forget how we loved. I can´t forget how I loved and was loved back. I can´t forget the pain and the bliss, it cuts right through all these colors and particles and locks and walls and wells of forgetting.

I reconnect with old friends and new, and we laugh, we share the good times that are all yours. Voluntarily you denied them to yourself and to me and you have those of your own, I very much hope for that. It will still come back and haunt me, in moments like these, running in circles, nobody said it was easy.... oh it´s such a shame for us to part. nobody said, it was easy.... no one ever said it would be so hard... I am going back to the stars....

I love you, you see. And as much as I try to look into the future and as much as I enjoy my now and my here, I can´t deny that there was so much and still is residing in my heart.

I really am on the other side now. Bridges are burnt and my past.

the lives i haven´t lived. but it is good to remind myself that the beauty i have created with friends has its own value and tells its own stories of time.
however, there will be a day that i take to the road. it may or may not be with likeminded folks. i may be alone. i may be with others. but i will take it to the road.

the dreams in a flurry. you just gotta do what you love. you just really gotta do what you love. and you gotta remind yourself of it every now and then so you don´t let life´s routines take that away from you or leave it up to your demons to decide. your malfunctions. your destructive patterns. they are what they are but they can´t conquer it all.

occasionally i dream of you. and there is a range of missing that kicks in every now and then.
and then there is not one single day i don´t think of you Jo.
and there is not one single day that I don´t long to know.
but such is life. thus i will go. i will go and do what it takes.
it may be like this: follow your passion. and don´t forget what it is about. don´t abandon your ideals entirely. keep them as guiding stars.

you know....