inner sovereignty it is i feel the distance takes me to a place from which i can smirk at everything passing: i might be very well dead but i am not, i haven´t crossed, i am in the possession of a body and senses, i am still alive.
you show some sort of respect to that, and i like it. i indeed revel in it a wee bit before i feel the pain ebbing in and silences me relentlessly.
you are gone. and it is so impossible, that sometimes i can talk about it just like that but the very actual moment when it happened, when you fell, i will never forget, i will never be able to fully grasp nor understand, it was so sudden and out of the blue, it has changed my life utterly and completely, even though it might not seem so from the outside.
from in here it feels different now. i feel so broken inside, it is almost beautiful. trust me, i would trade it ANY day for the old ways. if you were only still alive. with us. if you hadn´t crossed before my eyes.
people are so utterly self consumed, it is quite funny. i remember that i could be the one asking, touching, reaching out but it is quite difficult to do from the place where i am at right now. i just sit and watch the evening go by.
tears fall down in the cold sunlight there is a moment of pain stabbing in my head and then it is gone.
i will never be the same, and that, certainly, is true for anyone.