it´s easier for me to play/invent songs for OTHER people. for friends. for strangers. in intense situations. i am like a bloodsucker sucking the intensity of my intentions towards a friend or a stranger into my creative pool. i take their imagined situation in to fuel my song. my paintings. there is a dialogue. if it isn´t for someone, it is a dialgoue with a picture i am painting. the imagined. even if it is - and that happens rarely - about my situation, my feelings, my life, i take a step back, create a distance and suck the moment´s intensity in to spill it over my paper. my guitar. my words.

it is easier for me to heal other people, as well. I love doing my work as a massage therapeut, as an amateur counsellor (and many friends cherish that ability of mine), I love putting myself into someone´s shoes and drawing pictures and songs and words for them, create meaning in an otherwise chaotic situation, spill magic into their desolate perspectives and hold them softly when it just needs to rain. I encourage them to feel and express what they feel, to go through the valleys and climb these mountains oh so steep.

it is very rare that I share my own messy pain with them. I do cry in public, surrounded by strangers, hiding behind sunglasses or shielding myself with an aura of aloofness. and when I do share, it is very very much only the surface. when I get massages I don´t cry. I cry afterwards. Even if the therapist says, let it go, I don´t let go. I have always held back that way. Hard to let go. Maybe that´s something I have brought with me. It is strange

what I share often is silly goofing around, spilling my enthusiasm and joy about little and big things in my life, making jokes, playing games, bouncing around, singing songs...telling stories.... telling MANY stories. showing them my awe and enthusiasm about their beauty and all that.


The hardest part of becoming a true artist and a true healer is to go through these doors myself, however. To learn how to share also the dark side of the moon. To accept myself on the losing side. To embrace the weak and the victim inside. To let other´s take control and let my control go when it´s in the way of healing myself.