In loop right now 'Done Wrong' by Ani Difranco who I just discovered...Great lyrics. Damn...
People like her absolutely encourage me to go further on my way of musical exploration. The only thing I am really lacking still, is the courage to go on stage and perform no matter what and get better right there. I am still so scared but I will get over it. I know it.
Ah, yeah, life. I was just thinking today while I was cleaning: Doesn't this bitch Janet have a least bit sense of decency and respect? Maybe she is not aware of it, but I don't get to see my love very much. What the fuck. You wanna spend the night with us??? WHAT THE FUCK???? I shouldn't have played it cool. I should have reacted cool but tell him what I think about THAT. Why doesn't she go to one of her thousand lovers that she betrayed her ex with? Huh? Why does she have to spoil one of the rare opportunities for me to be alone with my love?? WHY doesn't he get that and told her by himself???? So helpful, my love, you are so fucking helpful.
I say: FIRST THINGS FIRST. First you show me that this is going to work. First you give me what I need. You say I am never happy, it s never enough. But hey wait a minute, read with me these lyrics:
'How could you do nothing and say I'm doing my best'?
That's how I feel. I don't know how difficult really your situation is and how much of a big accomplishment it is for you to actually come out here and visit me, but hey, it's me who makes it a beautiful thing then. Don't get me wrong, i love you. I love being with you. And you make me feel good. You are funny. You make me laugh and I feel how much you love me and care for me. But I haven't seen the effort coming yet, the effort the prince has to make to get the princess.
See, I am going to stick to that from now on. I think it is a great idea that we can learn from fairy tales... The tasks the prince has to accomplish before getting the princess. Very good concept.
First, there are three riddles. And then you have to go and fight, kill the monster (the inner monster?! it's all metaphorically!!) and win the kingdom. And as a reward you get me and my kingdom and boy, my kingdom is mind blowing. It's huge and it's insanly beautiful. You get it doubled. You get back so much more. But first you have to go out there, solve the riddles and fight. And my job as the princess or queen is it to demand relentlessly and without pardon the best of you, because it is in you and needs to be challenged. And when you come home from the good war it is my job to make you feel good, comfort and heal you and encourage you and thank you. I will do that.
Where is your part. If you really want to be with me forever you need to grow up. I can wait, but I can't put up with this bullshit too much longer anymore.
Ha. And what resulted from this Janet thing? I called Ana, the girl in whose apartment I am staying at and now the new rule is nobody can stay there except for me. My love is not coming out here next week and I will yet again have to wait....And all those fucking uncried tears and fierce emotions just gonna scribble whatever they will into my heart and my job as an artist will be to decipher it and make something out of it..
How do they say? Absence is to love like wind to fire: It extinguishes the small and enkindles the big.
So we will see.
Whether you are ready to see that you ARE a prince.
'Done Wrong'
The wind is ruthless
The trees shake angry fingers at the sky
The people hunch their shoulders
Hold their collars over their ears and run by
It’s a cold rain
It’s a hard rain
Like the kind that you find in songs
I guess that makes me the jerk with the heartache
Here to sing you about how I’ve been done wrong
And I am sitting, watching
Out the window of the coffee shop
And I am waiting, waiting
Waiting for it to let up
I am rocking like a cradle
Warming my hands with the cup in between
I am leaning over the table
Holding my face over the steam
And before it gets so cold
That the rain turns to snow
There’s just a couple things
I’d like to know
Like how could you do nothing
And say, I’m doing my best
How could you take almost everything
And then come back for the rest
How could you beg me to stay,
Reach out your hands and plead
And then pack up your eyes and run away
As soon as I agreed
It just all slips
Away so slowly
You don’t even notice till you’ve lost a lot
I’ve been like one of those zombies
In vegas
Pouring quarters into a slot
And now I’m tired
And I am broke
And I feel stupid and I feel used
And I’m at the end of my little rope
And I am swinging back and forth
About you
Before it gets so cold
That the rain turns to snow
There’s just a couple things
I’d like to know
Like how could you do nothing
And say, I’m doing my best
How could you take almost everything
And then come back for the rest
How could you beg me to stay,
Reach out your hands and plead
And then pack up your eyes and run away
As soon as I agreed
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