beautiful daughter of mine

I was walking the streets of Rome all by myself. The clouds and the winds made love in the afternoon and my steps led me through the insane touristic carneval to magical places, as if following an invisible red line that some angels had prepared for me long time before I even came to see.
This is how I found the dessous shop in which I acquired the wonder-bra with which I share many miraculous stories, this is how I found the church under which I shared an evening meal with two precious friends and heard old Sicilian mafiosi play on my guitar and sing as if it was redemption day.This was how this waiter invited me to drink whatever I wanted because he was a billionaire who wants to be normal and do something good all 7 years to somebody entirely unknown to him. He wanted to give me a Michel Angelo Original and lots of money, I left, half drunk, when my intuition told me so, smoked a cigarette, got really dizzy or high from that, took a bus to the hotel and stared at all those people around me in a whirl of thoughts on life, human beings and clouds that were drifting through my mind.
And this is how I found Adrian, the guy I fell in love with for one night. The last night. It was late, the club already closed and my friends had left. I was alone there, with this angel who for some reason had crossed my way. we did not protect. I almost felt like in Jim Jarmusch's 'Night on Earth' in the scene where the taxidriver in Rome sees this couple making love in the streets. In the morning I drove home in a bus, without looking back, smiling into the fresh sun.
when I arrived in my old hometown I didn't know whether or not I was pregnant. I wasn't scared. But, Lord knows, you can't stop thinking about it! It was golden sunny and - silent in my old hometown. Funny how you regocnize some things only when you come back. Down the street next to the old Newspaper location vis a vis to the old marketplace that saw me growing up I suddenly felt her presence around me.
I saw, or should I rather say i FELT this little gorgeous girl walking next to me. Skipping, jumping, running, holding my hand. Her hair was black, long and curly, but she was white. - Thus she couldn't be merely a projection of my wish to have 'chocolate-babies' and my affection for coloured people. But the crazy thing was: Adrian was blonde!!! And the even more crazier thing is: My love's hair is BLACK AND CURLY. And she was absolutely his daughter! I mean, when I think about it now...how she looked like. She could have SO been his daughter. - our! daughter. Herself. coming unto life through us. what a blessing. she's not there yet but still....it is VERY strange. very very.

Skip fast forward to somewhen in January 2006. A beautiful night, the moon caressing two young people at Venice Beach, listening to the sound of crushing waves and the sweet sound of overwhelmed lovers. It was the first coming together of me and my lover after such a long time of taking it slow. We didn't have anything to protect and we didn't risk anything. Not this time.

I looked at him and I looked in his beautiful eyes and I was overwhelmed by this certaintly that painted my thoughts in my soul: If we would make love now, here, I know, that I would be pregnant. I just know it with the certainty of a womans intuition. And her name would be S_____. Yeah. And the crazy crazy thing was, he knew it too. And now I just have to pray that she ll wait a little. beautiful daughter of mine. you already touched my heart. and we love you since the beginning of time