dying

What makes one death worse than the other?
What makes one death more lamentable than others?

People die everyday. It's more unlikely than not to die of illness, accidents, stupidity and fatal circumstances instead of a peaceful death of the kind that you fall asleep when you are old and just never wake up again.

It is hard to say good bye. We cling onto that life. Religions have emerged from that dilemma. From the fear and from the hope for a surviving soul.

We see how frail physical life is and dream of more.
But souls die too. Sometimes more.
Calling their bodies to follow them down into the canyons of dark.

We cry upon the arriving caskets. More soldiers dead. But they signed up for it. More so than my friend who just got cancer one day and now looks like he is a dead man walking. That makes me cry. Naturally, because he is my friend. But maybe, he signed up for that too. Who knows? Who knows.
If my friend came back from combat, wrapped into a flag, I would lose my mind over it. I would lament and maybe I would become pacifist. Right now I rather would like to become a scientist and find the cure for brain tumors that keep growing.

Sometimes I feel like we are ants. Every one has a life and the right to it.
But if you don't die of war, murder, illness or accidents you still might lose your kid to drugs and violence.
Maybe you will lose yourself to drugs. Even if there is no war.
The death would still be just as horrible.
Some people die before they were born. Abortions. Miscarriages. People fight over lives. Who will inflict a burden on who.
Some people do get born, onto a trash hill and all they will ever know is their ghetto. Some others get born and discover they never really wanted to and they jump and kill themselves. Some others take people who do want to live with them.

This is a crazy world.

This is a crazy ant hill.

And sometimes I just don't know what to do.