defects

Yeah, the suspicion is, after a second look at it, that this guy must have some defects liking me, so evidently and so spontaneously. I am not the kind of girl that looks like "wow" on first sight, ya know! I am not one of those breathtaking beauties, I am not one of those, who wear this special, cool mix of clothes, selfmade and interesting looking. I am also not one of those with this special air of sovereignity around them. and yet he looked at me as if he knows me. this guy must have a defect. probably i am the only one who falls for him, because i am so naiv, i am sure i am the only one who actually thinks it is cool that he likes her. and he probably thought that he might have a chance with me because i look so naiv and stupid...and so desparately looking for love....
jesus!!!!
and also: I was in deep yesterday......messed around with john the guy from england. man, he even looks like somebody i would fall for, but hey, i haven't ever ever experienced such a kissing! i simply couldn't stop! i mean, that was astonishing!!! he kisses exactly the way i like it, like i do...i mean, with j. it was incredible, too, but there were so many feelings involved you know. this time it was just fantastic from the very start, despite his not being my type and actually a complete stranger to me (i mean knowing each other for a weekend doesn't mean anything right?)... Max was great too, but he had his own way which was very interesting and exciting. but john was just the match! i was very puzzled. I mean, with blake it isn't the same... I don't mind, really, it is just that I am puzzled that it is possible like that and it's actually frustrating that it works with such a complete stranger. I want Love! man! why is it like this????
I even don't wish that blake kissed that way, i mean, the only thing i worry about it, whether it actually means something if it matches that well....or whether the personality is more important. or, to put it this way, is it important, that the kissing with sb you like, is good? i mean, extremely good? or will that come as time goes by and affection grows?
i had the feeling that blake was a bit nervous, so maybe its due to that....he also came the first time so quickly......the second time was already a lot better. and he is so nice. you know, the point is, i don't care so much about it right now, as i think, i would give it a try despite not breathtaking kissing....
yeaheyah
LL.....
we'll see what happens and i keep you posted.....
mjamani the piranha