stranger

hey stranger, i know i shouldn't write you.

but then again, i am listening to your song and then to tori amo's version of 'killing me softly' and it is 2 am. so why not write to you...

it just is so special to think of you. How is it possible, that such a little remark can upset a young woman's heart so much? You even didn't say you love me, you just said that it felt as if you know me, YOU, the stranger, and that it feels so familiar and

that i has been a while

whatever that meant, i don't know, it was enough to make my phantasie develop daring theories on what it meant and what the kiss meant that prevented the rest of the words to come out...

words, like birds, flying through the soft thunderstormnight, spring was in the air and I felt very strange and very special. When you were in the kitchen I went to the window and looked down. The house in front of your flat is coloured in sunset coulours. I was naked and was wondering whether one could see me from down there. Your arms held me tight during the whole night and you snored. When I touched your curly hair you mumbled how good it felt and I was surprised by so much tenderness in such a guy like you.

Now, how can affect this me so much? Is it so easy to get me? I mean, I shouldn't make any judgements yet, I know, but it still upsets me. Can you buy me with a coffee in the morning? With a touching hand on my knee, while you are walking by? With that cute clumsy kiss when we said good by and the assertion that we would meet again as soon as you d be back from Stockholm and Kopenhagen....

You know, with J. it was all the same. He was so great, he would do anything for me. He maybe just bought me with sewing my trousers and helping me to find the right mobile phone for me. And coffee in the mornings, LOL. He loved me. I knew that. There was no guessing. He was tender. Wanted to see me. Was patient, treated me with respect... And yet

it was different. Because you are older. You are a stranger. You can be everything and nothing in the same time. I shall not be afraid of the nothing. I am for the 100% kind of thing you know. we shouldn't be afraid of all our feelings just because experience taught us that they hurt.

Pain is good for songs and creativity. Lets hurt. Lets love. oh lets love.
I want to love, really, I want to love you. So badly.

I am so sorry it didn't work with Jasper. I love him so much too. More than anyone maybe. I cannot really handle all these feelings. I don't know what they mean. I guess I have to find out.

How many times did I say 'I' in this post???Oh goddess......raven goddess...what is this...\

stranger, stranger, i want to love you. i am desperate because i don't know what the fuck the difference was and would be between you and someone else. Probably just the fact, that they wouldn't be you.

You, you, you....L.A.- I also would go for him if he was you....
Jasper, I am so sorry it couldn't work between you and me. I love you so much, and I hope it wasn't just an act of cowardice that I broke up. You know, it hurts, really bad, but I couldn't and still can't help it. I think we are able of loving more people. And maybe you are the true love and maybe you are not. This guy is now on my way and I have to see this stranger once more.

"i'm just a station, on your way, i know i am not your lover...' 'but i once loved a child of snow...when i was a soldier...and i fought every fight for her, until the nights grew colder......travelling lady, stay a while, until the night is over..."...

leonard cohen....the beauty of the word was trembling in his hand....

I will give it a try if you give me a chance!!!!

mjamani

the to be tamed piranha