desperation

dear stranger
i called and you were there finally
it was too akward to talk to you it makes me feel sick
why is it, that i am so easily impressed by what other people say and think of what i tell them about you?
fuck it! really
i am into the depths now. i give a fuck. i really wanna know you, and if it turns out that i am bored with you and that you are not as cool as i thought and that i don't wanna be your girlfriend. who cares?
it s always worth a try.
it is my attitude to give things a try!
i shouldn't back away now.
oh man
why am i so enthusiastic all the time in the beginning
and then tell everybody how i feel
it sucks
i shouldn't but my feelings are so big they hardly ever fit into my body although i am big myself.

now i sit here, tryin to pull this essay off
i feel guilty
i was rough and short at the phone
i was cool
i played cool

oh man, i am not that way actually
but men who make me feel i am the one to control everything somehow bore me.
isn't that a predicament.
cuz m. is right.
if it is that way you 'll always be treated like a queen..\
if you look too much up to the guy you will always be treated as a piece of shit.

okayokay i stop making those stupid generalizations but it genuinly sucks

am listening to REM

'she just wants to be somewhere else'...

yeah.

man i really wanna fall in love like that....
would you visit me?
you said you would come over

you would leave your TERRITORY for ME???
who are you?
i don't get it

i don't get it

i am so sorry stranger

that i am so fucked up
i feel that you are so vulnerable
and i don't wanna hurt you
and i also don't wanna be with someone
when i have to be scared to hurt him

bright eyes 'love is an excuse to hurt and to get hurt'
'do you like to hurt? i do i do. then hurt me then hurt me then hurt me then hurt me'

okay i get it...

i am so happy about that blog. that prevents me of writing sentimental and messy emails to you.
good

i leave that now.
is there anybody who feels the same predicament???????
oh stranger don't leave yet