wanna be luved

well i guess i am not alone with that.
i fuckin hate it. i jut wanna be in love again. just for a few days lord!
or let me smoke grass or something like that

this guy fuckin upsets me! i just can't fall in love with him now. maybe i shouldn't be so impatient. fuck it

recently, when havin sex i was so tired that there was not way i d come. very much to my annoyance though.
well. and then, this other guy, you know the NERD, he keeps repeating how much i changed and how much i betray myself with how i am. fuck, who is HE to tell me sth like that? fuck it!

i am noones bitch right now@! and i certainly will never ever by the one you expected me to be. even if you appreciated it like hell that i appeared to be what you liked to see in me. fuck it !NOOOO!
i don't wanna be like anybodies expectation, to be precise! i just wanna live up to my own expectations and i am clever and experienced enough to see in that a lifelong process because this is what my life is for, dammit! to find out my intention and my aims and my destination! but if i knew already, what it was, i would rest and say, now that i know, i can go slower. thats the whole fuckin point mr NERD!

if you really knew me, you would stop loving me or being interested in my. you d take it slow and discover other interesting beings. fuck it! i give a damn! i mean, hey, it s WORSE to supposedly BE like YOU EXPECTED it. i don't want you to love me BECAUSE of anything. i rather be a BITCH and see what you do then. if you can't stand above it, you are TOO WEAK for me and need lots of time to grow strong. go and get a harmony-loving sweet girl. i never denied being a desaster.

never, you know...

so, thats where i take it from. i resist being your puppy. your co-worker. your best friend, your soul mate, the one with who you will save the world. SAVE the WORLD????

oh DUDe, i WISH, i still had this kind of utopianism available. all we can do is contribute to a better world. and lord, even if you and i would strive for the very same thing it wouldn'e even be SPECIAL you know! because EVERYBODY is saving the world! and there is no way to unite the different principles and worldviews unless you rise above this damn ego thing and realize that all is ONE. already, no negotiation, no discussing, no debating, no convincing, none of that.

gosh.

i am really upset ;-)

piranha