moving and cycles of life

Funny thing, moving. You want to work effectivley, fast, steady and yet find yourself in the middle of the night sitting inbetween cardboard boxes, reading stuff you wrote once, long long time ago, reminiscing the old good and bad times.

And you find that life has a funny way of circeling in spirals. Well, I really hope they were spirals and not circles, really. It d be so horrible to find out that you ve been spending the last years dealing with all the very same problems over and over again just in different editions.

I am sure you all know that kind of akward situation. And it is great fun, horror, and time consuming of course. Damn. Besides that it is great to be in my hometown for two days. I ll be back to Berlin soon but it is so peaceful here. Introspectre, you should come and visit if you need quietness. It is unbelievable. I didn t know Berlin is that noisy. the weather is so beautiful here, the people smile and actually greet on the streets and it s so magically quiet. Some birds, here and there a laughter, a shouthing...wow. But there is only one or two bars open longer than 11 PM ;-)

I found the following piece of writing in my boxes and thought I might share it on here. And D. wrote back by the way and I promise not to write about him until next tuesday. Promise!!!

I wrote this in 2003 when I was into Mr. Asshole. Yeah, and for me thats a LONG time ago. Trust me, in this age one or two years matter so much....but....ahm... see, it is scary to see that I knew so well what was up already back then but still continued messing around with him. wow

"(...) He asks me whether I do miss him. Do I miss him? I miss HIM and HER, I miss the mystical and magical aspects of my life. But do I miss him? I ran away from C. Why should I rest with Mr. Asshole now? And, overa ll, what the heck am I doing here? I should consider my future, my future being and doing. Not only love affairs. That sucks ! (hahaha) (yeah, did it change? hmmm) Godd friends might be even more important. He knows that. He is too lucky and rich. He should stop for a moment to find out what truly matters. It is strange to think of me as his girlfriend. I ve never been before someones girlfriend actually. P. wasn t sure about it, we never really were oficially together... I am too young. and...I don t know. It is about sex, of course, but then also about fun and magical moments to be shared. Mr. Asshole, Are YOU gonna miss me?

His body is my grave. I am melting away. but still he is neither the right one or one of the right ones. I deserve a man who really cares and who is genuinly happy to know, see and meet me. Who is full of surprises and who tries hard to get to know me and to get to know how he can please me.
(...)"

Yah. I knew it. Already then. Now, how depressing is that???