night mare fairy tale

In this moment we became the ghosts we weren't. mere representatives of souls who were hiding and waiting somewhere else in a place that would not allow for casualities and stupidities...

...paleness of skin although you are so dark.
white pearly teeth behind a strained smile.
eyes talking, hiding, masking, unmasking. flattering eyelashes, dying butterflies, escaping my stomach, landing on your eyes. it's been a while. curiosity getting the best of us.

--

unkissed kisses wet the air. I feel exhausted, stressed, something is wrong and I can't tell what it is. Just like in those dreams in which you want to run and feel your legs are heavy as concrete.
Our bodies talking their talks, whispering in the overpowering, overwhelming noisiness around us. they talk and talk, keep talking, yearn, fight, at times grind into each other at others just playfully raise the tension, filling space and distances, turn on, turn off, struggle to suceed - and yet we have thought too much already. the sweetness I feel down there, the tender and oh so soft weakness inside my heart that wants to give in is already mingled with a whiff of bitterness and saddened smiles. I talk to you. explain, come and go, just like the tide, oh, my, I don't know which moon made me go mad like this. going back to those shadows who came with me. who wanted to see you. wanted to protect me. whom i wanted to protect me.

from what? from my own longing? my wish? my desire? from what everybody is dying to hear in that honey sweet moon voice? from love?

desperate maybe but at any rate willing to give it a chance to show, grow, make us spin around and change direction in the middle of the fall we were. repeating the unrepeatable. doing the tabooed, forbidden, tracing our own steps with the desperation of strangers who have met something familiar in the depths of the unknown.
everythings is everything. all is one. we feel how we exit the wholeness of our beings, of the allembracing, allencompassing by emerging into the shaky, freezing sphere of unsatisfied search for the unsearchable. our own longing tears us apart. our failure to understand our common language. our unwillingness to accept the structure of space and time, our refusing to give in to the mystery of our lives. of our encounter, of our touching.

oh when I remember the sweet touch of the southern winds in my hair back in my childhood days. the sung songs about you and my love, my everlasting, all encompassing, neverending love for you, you and you, high up in the tree tops of a magic cherry tree.... tears dwell in my eyes, in my heart, my tongue tastes the salty holy water instead of your lips...

and when I turned around to look for you, to introduce you to mr.asshole you were gone.
gone like the wind who leaves the tender - just about to blossom - apple trees in the gloaming twilight.... and my tears are just morning dew in all its beauty...

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I accept the sun to dry them

Within the millisecond in which I slowly realized your absence I understood that you saved our integrity. you undid the hypocrisy of absent souls in a meaningful moment.
being physically absent was the most genuine thing possible to do. we are not talking about rules, sets of behavior, does and don'ts... souls can only unite, when they are one. souls can only reach out and touch another soul when they are one. absence of soul and mind turns bodies into stones. into pillars of salt. (we shouldn't have looked back. maybe.)

and thus you were right in your doing. giving back what we were about to lose.