this is what you get when you mix PMS with pre-leaving depressions

First of all I wanted to tell you out there that I won't be around often for the next, lets say, three weeks, as I don't have internet at home anymore and will be busy preparing the big jump into cold LA water.
I will keep reading your posts (you know who you are) and check out stuff as much as I can but don't expect much from my side. I will get back to you (who read my blog sort of regularly) as soon as I am back :)

Secondly I wanted to freak out and scream at anyone who comes near. Today I realized that I was happy about any person who walked on the bikeway just to scream and yell at them "this is a fucking bicycle track, get the fuck out of here!". I felt pleasure doing that. IT felt OH SO GOOD:
I have PMS obviously. The fact that I know it doesn't make it better of course.
Maybe I should start kickboxing or sth like that.


Then I called Mr. Asshole today. I wrote about him several times here already. He is the worst edition of an Afroamerican that you can imagine. He is a coke head of the worst sort. Talking bullshit most of the time, I don't even really understand all he is saying, not for the sake of my bad english but for the sake of his lack of context. I will try to convince him to pay me LOTS for the painting I ll do for him, comparing the money he spends for coke and the money he will spend for real good art....heheehehe. Then, he is the worst sort of swiss-cheese-headed entertainmentbusiness CEO you can imagine. Dropping names is all what this game is about. Lying. Blowing up things for the sake of looking interesting and successful. Shithead. Dropping names again. And YES I DO HAVE a minor percentage in my family that is famous but who GIVES A DAMN FLYNG FUCK, eh? Please please please tell me, dear bloggers from the states who read this, please tell me that in the States it is NOT ALL ABOUT that. Please. Please. I am leaving to LA in September to live there for at least six months and its so fucking scary and sad to think that the majority will actually give a fuck.

How do they say? In German there is this proverb that is an equivalent to the English "Kissing asses". It says: "kreep into sb's ass". Well and this German proverb says further: "if you creep into your bosses ass you will meet many faces that are familiar to you" eeeeeeeh. Maybe half of the American population or lets say, Los Angeles citiyens will be able to have huge meetings in whoevers ass that is popular. eeeeerrg.

So, to get back to the point: He is republican (Oh, and yes, there ARE republicans who can think and have their arguments and stuff, but he belongs to the WORST sort of republicans. He gives a fuck in the first place and in the second he apologizes Bush. Well, you have to know that Bush is a MAN who keeps his word. AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!) So, you ask me, you wonder, WHY THE FUCK I am still in contact with this loser?
I don|t know myself. I simply don't know. I guess I have just a very contradicting stupid personality in a way. I am just too loyal to people who I once decided to be friends with. Or whatever I assume I will get out of it. I have no clue. He will be of no use to me, no use at all never ever. He is incapable of real friendship, not the sort of American friendship that they sell at every Mac Donalds or Starbucks, I mean the German idea of friendship. Just think about that Americans or all English speaking people say : to MAKE friends. How can you MAKE friends? HOW? Make money, make friends, make love?

Then this loser happens to know a person who knows my niece. (drops a name, bling) and goes like: oh i know everything, correct me if i am wrong. I say: Whatever, just say what you like and he goes like : I just say coca cola!!!! and then laughs like crazy. Oh shut the fuck up Mr. Asshole you do not have a clue. Not a single one. You are a, yeah, a loser. You played in the national basketball team of Ireland? Now, how cool is that?...puh. I knew that there were friends of his in the background, from Ireland and the whole time I felt how he was just showing off. Showing OFF because he was talking to ME. yeah. because I happen to be more interesting than the average halfgermanhalfamerican girl just because I have that family. ha, fuck that. fuck that really. I should stop talking to him but for some reason I still like to see him every now and then and have a drink or two and talk bullshit. How little he knows about real frienship for example.

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So see, I am leaving and I am scared. It s going to be a jump into cold water and thats why I take cold showers now every morning. Just in case. Just to get familiar... a bit.

fare thee well, beautiful, chaotic, adorable, crazy, innovative, creative, lunatic berlin