zimbabwe

there is no particular reason to title this post zimbabwe, i just felt like it.
don't be mislead out there, its not about Zimbabwe, not about how fucked up Mugabe is and how fucked up it was to destruct the slums at the outskirts of Harare or about the desaster of the government not facing the fact of two thirds of the population being infected with HIV. No, it s about a former travel agent from there who made his way to London and later to Berlin, heading to be a fitness coach soon, totally emerging into the world of fitness in which only the sky is the limit....or so ;)

His name is, surprise surprise, David.

well, what should I say. Those who have read my blog for a while know a bit of the emotional turmoil he caused me and how much I have longed to see him again just to be able to put things into perspective.
and how much pain and sleepless blogging nights it caused me that he didn t seem to be capable of just meeting me a second time.

today we met. finally. imagine: Piranha, working at the Evil Empire (read: Starbucks), acting as if she drank like ten liters of coffee. Then he asks whether they can meet but the time that fits him would make it impossible for her to go home first to change clothes and stuff. Put make up on for example... lol.
So piranha wounds up in H&M, shopping clothes. OMG, I still laugh at me because of that. Jesus. (Its not that I had the money. BUt I never go shopping and so at leats he has a good influence on my wardrobe ;-)) It makes her feel better though. Lots. Really.
No make up is better anyways, more herself in a way. So thats all good. But dropping by a parfume shop isnt a wrong thing to do :)) oh, smelling good makes you feel soooo much better, I feel you ladies!!!
They meet, both obviously nervous but dealing with it in a good way. Sit down for a drink. Talk about god and the world. Avoid touching each other or flirting. Just digging their way towards the real topic, that is THEM, the encounter they had that hit both hard, so to say, between the eyes. He looks less good than fearfully expected. He looks GREAT though :)
He is self contained. She is more open than she thought she would be but feelings are definetly under control. It was so different from what she had imagined, had feared, anticipated, assumed. Its amazing how two people who have felt something so deep and magical and disturbing as they did, can talk about this very thing in such a reasonable and unexcited manner. But honest, not faking.

Not faking, did you get that? That was really important for me. I think I didn't lie once. In no respect.

He is really living his life, he is intelligent, reasonable, but heartfelt, as well. He combines spirit with awareness of the necessities of his body, his life, his emotions. He gave me 25 years, as the youngest he could imagine. haha. is that a compliment?
he was being honest, as far as I could tell, and he was being reasonable and today I don't think it is a bad thing. At times you have to be. And this special encounter we had shows that this guy is capable of letting things happen, as well. If you ask me, thats a good thing. Our rules, structures and moral standars are guidelines for living in this society we are living in. But they are not meant to restrict life and love to come into being, right? But too often they do. I am happy he didn't let this happen to us. We had our moment. (and thats what counts in the end, right?)

I feel so relaxed, quiet and happy now. It put things into perspective for me and thats what I was hoping for. It didnt destroy what was there and it didn t make it worse for me. I know now that he is not the guy I have to fight for and he will leave me room and space and support to move on on my way. He is full of understanding, appreciation and stillness. And he asked me whether I d like to go out dancing with him this friday. My, I really think thats a brilliant idea. It s the way it should go and I think we both are open and curious as to where this next meeting will take us. Energeticwise I mean. And there definetely needs to be a third meeting. Because three is my number anyways :)))

So this open ending leaves my heart beating and jumping in a beautiful rythm, it s so good to have rythm for your lifesong. and gosh, am I grateful for everything right now. Thank you god, goddess, ... whoever. Thank You.

Piranha

ps this post has no real ending in way because this is just an interim report :)