the gipsy

it s funny how you start missing a person when you just hang out with him/her enough.
i fucking miss my gipsy. i even want him to come up to my practice lab in his breaks and we are in this room and hold hands and kiss sometimes or talk or i yell at him for some stupid reason. well, he says i yell, i think i am just euphorically speaking and today he even admitted that he likes that, hahaha.
but thats so weird. or walking hand in hand through hollywood with him. thats weird. very weird. in the beginning i had serious problems with that, i would only hold his hands when we would be far enough away from school. i wouldn't kiss or hug him intimately around my school. now we even kiss in freakin practics labs and people can look straight into the rooms because they have windows.

i decided i don't care. when they see me with someone else and think i am a slut, so what!
i am not.
i thought about that a lot. you are slutty, when you just fuck around. when each and every moment though, that you live with another person, is genuine and true to your heart and love it is allright. it is just not what our system prescribes us from day one.
creates a lot of problems too. i guess this system tries to prevent us from our primitive emotions such as jealousy, greed, need, vanity, rage, revenge, etc.

gipsy is or at least tries to be very cool about that. he always is like 'whatever man, do your thing!' he wants me to spend time with K. too but he doesn't like Sean....what really freaked me out today was however, when he told me that he googled me. he said 'i found interesting things about you in the internet piranha!'
i was like 'freeeeze' WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK???? man, is there a link to my blog connected to my real name? waaaah! just imagine he read all that! it would be bad! bad! although he is cool and can know the truth, i don't lie, but neither do i say everything.....truth hurts......he wouldn't understand that. what i write here is so easily misunderstood. oh my god.
but he didn't he found the things connected to my real name and i calmed down. but still, the intial moment was shocking....

oh my gipsy.
i got so upset today because he really only eats once a day. at 8 o'clock PM. Pizza and Sprite.
can you believe that? i preached the whole dead prez '8 glass water a day thats what they say' thing (i think the song is called 'discipline') to him and said i even don't wanna touch him no more because his body must be full of shit.
he felt bad, he said he always feels bad but thats what keeps him going when he has to work until midnight (he is in the producing programme and they work like dogs). yeah sure, fills him up but it doesn't nourish him, idiot!
aaaaah, i am raving about it again, i am fucking furious when i think about it.

and then i have to tell myself ' i don't care' i forgot. i don't. whatever....

but i don't want to be like whatever. i don't wanna make promises, be his girlfriend or what not, but i can't help caring about him. and wanting to be with him. whatever the reason is..habit? habituation? missing someone? i don't know......