you ve got to know....what you have to know...

One thing that is very specific about me is, that i refuse to think that there is anything really really bad out there. everything happens for a reason, everything can be transformed into something else.

metamorphose...

it doesn't mean that i won't be passionate about things i think are bad. i will fight them, but i will be cool. i will cry, lose it, be furious, all the works, but in the end i still won't think that there is really such a thing as evil and pure bad. if you know what i mean. i refuse to, and i well know that i might be wrong, but i simply can't help it.

on a personal level i don't think, for example that it is undesirable or bad when i am feeling down. damn, when i am freakin feeling down i want to FEEL DOWN! there is NOTHING WRONG with that! right? nothing. just let me be fucking down. down down down. don't talk to me, don't try to freakin explain me the world, i know how things seem to work, why i shouldn't be sad, all that. fuck that!

my wife, Klodia, came. looked at me. took her earphones, put them in my head. some good minimal techno. aaaah. come on, she said, lets go and play. we went up, switched the light off and improvised for 45 mintues. she on the piano (a goddess!!!) and me on the flute/singing.

the gipsy sat there, enjoying it. later, in awe, he admitted it never happened to him before, that he couldn't help someone who is down with his words. damn, gipsy, all that you said...these were my lines! i know them ! aaah.
and i know they don't help.

my wife is just the best. she knows how to help me. i am happy she is out here. what would i do here without her. without her....damn...thanks god, thanks god for that.......


so the conclusion of all this is, you ve got to know what you have to know...the only thing you have to know is who can bring you up again when you are down. and there is nothing wrong with being down but with indulging in it for too long.....