grinning fate spins chain of bad luck

I LOVE THOSE DAYS! or better those NIGHTS!
ahh, good good good, don't you absolutely LOVE it, when fate plays jokes on you? you feel like you've been rewarded with chains of bad luck like tourists with flowers in Hawaii.
yeah.

against all natural inclination and feelings I kick myself in the ass, take the convertable mercedes without a deck that my sister got god knows where. Ignoring the dark clouds that surround LA like Sioux stupid white settlers back in the days I drive all the way to Hollywood, pick up my friend K____ and take her into the HOllywood Hills, the Mulholland drive, all that good stuff. Admiring the amazing amazing view and sweet mediterranean like houses in the hills I wonder how it took me four months to come up here. I am such an ignorant bitch, to name it for once. I could still not tell you the difference between different amps, let alone guitars, I am walking through the world with a lack of attention to things that is rediculous. Well, maybe I am not walking anyways, maybe i am just floating like a real lazy piscies should. *shakes head* Thats why I don't have a car yet, That's why i don't have the CD's I actually would like to have, this is why I don't have a lot of clothes or anything, because I am just lacking interest and motivation to find out. However, to take a stance for myself right here, I do know a lot of people on Hollywood Blvd and anywhere else. I might not remember the street names or your name and all that but I do remember the encounters and I do love you.
So back to my amazing story. K____ talks me into coming to her house, - ah, just because her roommate is gone. Usually she doesn't invite me. So I hang out there with her and listen to her crazy stories, and it s fun but I feel the whole time I should actually be by myself and go. But my heart is as soft as butter so I can't just leave. Too bad for me. Finally I go and find my car wet. I forgot to cover it and I forgot it could rain. LA really deludes you. Plays nice weather for ever just to stabb you in the back.....
then A__ calls me and as I have turned her down so many times in the past I stay with her too. Fuck. The dogs. I need to walk the dogs.
a few hours later I decide I really have to go now. It s almost midnight. I am very worried about the dogs.
I go to my car, it started raining again, it pours down. I can't possibly drive in a convertable without a top in pouring rain. FUDGE. okay, cellphone, addressbook, nobody there. none of my friends can help. my love doesn't pick up his phone. I don't want to ask anybody for anything anyways. I HATE THAT. I would do anything for anyone but for myself...I can't. Maybe I should get over it huh? The only friend I really feel free to ask for favors like that is out of town. Haha. FATE. MAN! are you joking????
Anyways, I am a big girl, always been, I can take the bus. Taxi? too convenient. too expensive. I despise those lazy Los Angeleros who don't know how to use the bus. I don't care what they say about how dangerous it is. Matter of fact I grew to love the bus. The personas there are just the killer dope material for songs and paintings.
My bag is broke, it is raining in my bag. Where are your friends when you need them most?
Ahhh. I allow myself a taxi at least to the bus station. In the bus I fade in and out, have horrible dreams of falling asleep while driving and crashing into cars. Finally my love calls back. Too late darling. Fuck. I am in a bad mood. Very bad, don't wanna put it on him. At least i don't have to ask him 'where where you when i needed you most?' because he says that himself. good.
and then i start laughing. because it is so funny how like, everything EVERYTHING seems to go wrong at the same time! and all that just because i didn't listen to that feeling inside of me.

i tell you dear fellas, this inner voice has NOTHING to do with convenience, lust, desire, inclination or any of that like NOR does it have anything to do with outer obligations.
it doesn't. it is the voice that tells you to do what is right in the purest sense. despite outer or inner influences. I have tested that out in many occasions and yeah, funny sucker stories like that are the outcome.

i went into a donut store and thats when the thing flipped. An ambulance guy started talking to me, how i was etc. I laughed and said, i won a chain of bad luck and guess what, he gave me a ride home (sparing me a 15 min walk in the rain and night) and when I came here somebody already had so much compassion for the dogs to put them into their house.

so my love. it s not that i am mad that you are with your cousins, keeping your promise to hang out with them. i just think it is rediculous that you do that while my sister is still gone. it s like, man, a waste of time. but in the same time it s like, man, if you had been here i wouldn't have had anything to blog about. so - thank you! :)

yeah.