resurrection

a whirl of tearsome emotions dragging you into the black hole.
scientifically proven, existing, out there in the universe, and you know, you know, staring into the sky, staring into the noise of palmtrees in the dark wind that macrocosm equals microcosm, that the atoms and the sun systems all circle and evolve and that black holes also exist within your soul
...
mini death, if you will, a pressure that turns into oppression, a helpless effort to create order, to regain control, to empower your self, destroyed in clear morning light, naive illusionary hopes shattered at the ground, right under your feet and you sigh and you oppress this sobbing and this lake of tears from breaking through the wall and you resign, yes I AM A LOSER.
...
finally, eventually, you feel how the whirl is too strong to resist anymore, the powers of gravity take care of the rest, you feel how you are torn apart and torn into this hole and in a last attempt you rear up, squall, into the obliterated colours of the passing world, you yell the name of someone who might reach out and hold you mid fall, someone, who might understand you and not drag you down in the good willed assumption of helping you by bringing you back to some weird nasty negative reality that you never wanted to be part of in the first place.
sobbing, crying, bawling, wailing, searching for words and you realize they are burnt out, don't exist anymore, you are completely illiterate, you don't know anymore, YOU JUST DON"T KNOW ANYMORE.
sister, sister, come closer to me. hold me. promise me. that everything is gonna be allright. that i am allright. that i am okay. that i will be okay. please. pray with me. the mantra. i am okay. okay...okay....
...
from an entirely different angle from my planet, from a completely different person comes finally the unexpected hand to help: a long talk, an understanding mind and encouraging words.

oh, man, human psyche is so.... unpredictably predictable. too easy to be understood. too easy....

i laugh. cautiously at first, then relieved: resurrection is unbelievable. unbelievably - easy?