"Women connect to their sex partners, and to their children, due to ahormone called oxytocin. Women secrete this hormone during orgasm, and while breast feeding. " (this is an excerpt of the article I have linked this post to, click on the title!)
Well, well, too bad, oxytocin. fuck oxytocin, it doesn't fit into my desires of how reality should be.
In my reality I am eternally happy with Dan the man, sexual monogamy, intellectual polygamy, yeah the good old stuff.
But, dang, see what happened:
I am hanging out with Guiseppe, my friend that Dan can't stand (yeah that rhymes!) but I have lamented enough about that, so I won't get into that. Innocently getting my hair brushed by another friend I sit there and enjoy being 'on the road' (at the sidewalk of Hollywood Blvd at Guiseppe's car that is...) and the tea I drink...
And suddenly Jay walks by. Jay! My lover from man, ages ago it seems, before I decided for Dany, you know that guy I woke up with one morning and had Eddy and Dany call me and all that. The guy who almost passed out when my period played a trick on me and came back when we made love... The beautiful alpha animal guy who I had 70-80 % ARGUMENTS with and the rest of the time good . yeah. love making I guess and good conversations about Erikah Badu's lyrics and music, god and life.
I jumped up, like REALLY happy to see him, gave him a hug and man, he was happy to see me.
'I was never going to tell you Piranha, he said, 'but I missed you, man I missed you...'
I've been thinking of him just recently, thinking i should just check and see how he is doing, how his music is doing and all that. I am not the kind of person who erases people out of her life.
We both had this sense of regret and affection while talking to each other. Dang. MAN. wheeew.
It blew me completely away. Brainfucked.
Fuck OXYTOCIN!
There are feelings of attachment and regret that it didn't work out with us, because, if I had only wanted to, it would have...He was up for it, I know that. fuck.
So whats up with frickin OXYTOCIN??? With these overswapping feelings?
It is what it is he said and I know he is right.
Is it wrong to have a sense of regret??? Although you are really in love with your boyfriend? Or is that a bad sign?
Who is the one to tell me???
by the way, everything is good now with Dany and me, this fucking text message was for his cousin who is gay and his paretns can't know about it...So whatever, I trust him really so thats all good. It's like, man I am not the first one to be bothered when the relationship work kicks in! but i am really willing to work! it's cool!
It's like, man, I ve been alone - practically - for 22 years or so.
and dang, was it good to see Jay. Jesus. FRick Frick Frickin fate. life. too funny. strange, tragic, fascinating, confusing. freak!!!
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Oh and there was shooting going on, today at 5 AM RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE. great. helicopter, SWAT team all there, we couldn't bring the boys to school because our van was right in front of the car from which the gangsters (that is our neighbors) shot this police man. Great. Great neighborhood. We should get the fuck out of there.
welcome in Los Angeles. And don't tell me Santa Monica is a great area to live at. Not where we are. They sometimes stick like stuff under our bumper. great. My sister freaks out, righteously. fuck drugs. they make people inhumane. they make people lose their morals and common sense. fuck them. anally with a huge dick please.
oh and about this article i linked you guys up....it s just interesting. it s somewhat strange for me to read about culture wars and shit, but thats probably the harsh reality out there, outside of my connecting and enthusiastic, inflammable mind.
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