dis-appointment

well well.
what is this word actually all about. you have an appointment and then it is dissed. I mean, it is not met. so, well. I think this is really applicable to expectations or beliefs you have and when you realize that they are not met in reality you are just disappointed... This just happened to me, and honestly, I feel a bit embarrassed because it just showed me how stupid and naiv I still am.

See, I lived together with this girl in the same room for nine months now. We have shared our good and bad times, we know probably more about each other's flaws and gorgeousnesses than any other person around. I was aware of the fact that our good times were kind of superficial and the affection probably a temporary one, because we are both cats who can enjoy beautiful things even though they might not mean the world to us. Aren't we all sometimes pretender...But..but! I mean, I meant it! I love her somehow! BUT........I always knew that this certain 'basic feeling' wasn't given. You know, with some people you just feel as if you don't have to explain things, as if you've known each other for ever already and stuff. With her it wasn't that way but that doesn't stop me from liking her, right!?

But today it proved that when this basic feeling isn't there you shouldn't trust too much and also shouldn't care too much about a person. She was gone the past weeks as she now has a boyfriend and obviously doesn't need any of her friends anymore. Yesterday I realized that she switches people every now and then, although sge couldn't switch me, as we were living together and also because I don't attach myself as much to people as she does or her 'friends' are willing to do. Good Lord, I don't need anybody to go to the bathroom or the cafeteria! I am a maverick! I just DON"T like it! So today she was back and we started talking and suddenly she says in her cute cute high (I puke!) voice things that left me in utter astonishment. She accused me of the most rediculous things I've ever heard and mixed stuff together which does not belong together and basically I became so furious that I had to leave before I started yelling at her or beating her up.

I just FUCKING hate hypocrites!!!!! She is the ANGEL on campus, she is the sweet dancer aaaahrrrrrrg!!!! And behind the back of people she betrays her friends in that sugar-sweet voice. aaahrg, and I have lived with this creature for nine months and just wouldn't get it!!! When she says hello and hugs you she just doesn't respect personal space at all, she hugs you with her whole body, which I usually like, don't get me wrong, but with such an energy that makes me wanna puke! It s just so pretentious!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!! wah! puke! Go an get your energy elsewhere!!!!! FUCK OFF YOU HYPOCRITE! it s too sad that such a nice roomate story has to end like this, but I can't help it. She abuses this guy now and is ready to MARRY him after three weeks, although she fucking should know that she is fickle. ach, sorry, I just had to put this out in the bloggersphere, as otherwise I would have to scream here and I guess I don't want to do this. She is not really worth to have me screaming.

piranhhhhha