god i am so fucking sad. it weighs my heart down
tonight i dreamt that i changed my mind and went to berlin. it felt AWESOMELY FUCKING FRICKING GREAT and beautiful. relief. ahhh.

i am tired of everything here
i am pissed off at klodia

for no reason

i still smoke.

i worry about dany and me because i get the feeling that this will end fucking tragically and thats bad. i should enjoy in the moment. but it will fucking break our heart

you know? i can't possible break up now, because it is not the time to do so. i know that it would break his heart BIG TIME so i can't because there is no reason to. but it makes me sick to realize that there is still so much more out there and that i need things that he can't give me........

and that one day we will have to depart and it makes me all sick. hollywood makes me sick. the big hummers make me sick. the fucking american way makes me sick. the people here. i hate everything right now. i sit here at starbucks (just for internet!) and have tears in my eyes. fuck. tears. and there is even no frickin PMS coming up. thats all real and bad and really bad

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