responses

every body
like, EVERY body i ever secretely believed of having a connection with (except for you Mira and Maria but god, I know you are there despite that) responded to my 'hilferuf', my call for help (see prev. post)

I want to post some answers here, to ahm. yeah, celebrate that. Thank you obi, hannoverfirst for your responses too. I ll keep you posted how everything goes on, my lyrics eventually and one day I guess even songs. When I learned how to strip.

Here we go:
sad Piranha
i am in fuckin gray, cloudy berlin, having 15 days left to turn in my diplomarbeit --- you are near the beach in california ...

WHO SHOULD BE SAD?!?!?!? ;-)

smile for me and be 'happy piranha' again, like i got to know you..."

Oh Piranha!!

what's this! perhaps it is something in the air, perhaps are the stars and planets influencing us badly, making jokes about us...I don't know, but the sadness is a fact! it's here, it's present and not only in your heart, but in many others  at the moment...yes,  I think it is  something universal and at the same time something very individual...every person has such moments of sadness, everybody is sometimes without a smile, without energy, without "Lust"...but why? Why do we have to go througt it? You know the answer, I don't need to tell it to you...it is a help, only with this bad moments we can evolute (?), we can ameliour ourselves...and only with this bad moments you can enjoy the happyness!!

So, I know really you can do it!!

kiss V."

"My poor Piranha..;although you feel sad of no inspiration,I feel so happy
to hear from you.(...)
Well,concerning your songs,you could speak about this feeling of the artists
when they feel so unusefull sometimes.It is always better to speak about
what you allready have felt.

I am working presently of a project of illustration with my boyfriend;and it
is soon finisched.I hope we could sell it ...
I already have to go.I would like so much to know what s happened to you in
the USA.

I don't forget you my Piranha...........  your Amande" (a very cool artist who i got to know in Paris, which is a whole different story worth to be told one day)

"Oh, Piranha, my dear friend, how much I miss you, right now, in this moment, YOU... your face, your movements, how you laugh, your voice, there is much more you have, more, more .
yeah, I have to tell you big news: I am sitting in the Fu (University) in BERLIN. Usually though I hang out a lot in my beloved Udk, make a lot of music (she plays violin like a goddess) and yeah, am in Berlin, and Berlin - it's for me 'the place to be', as you formulated it once...
Yeah, and life is crazy, and writing that I know that YOU understand that and know what I mean by that....
And amongst all those crazy and beautiful things I experience here in Berlin there is something...which...Piranha, I even don't know how I should tell you that...Max has quit our relationship recently.....I have been neither sad nor happy those last days, I don't know anything anymore.
I just wait for some sign somehow...
And as I was just reading your mail, there were so many, incredibly many emotions popping up and I was so close to crying. Maybe I would like to be with you right now, whereever you are, in this wide world or maybe I was just sosososososos glad and happy to hear from you...
Oh, Piranha, it s not easy to express all that in a mail. but is better than nothing i guess. - try to be happy, I am too, really, right now in this moment I am actually happy!!!!
Maybe you have now something for a song?
I think of you and i am full of happiness doing so
kiss, your Ili"

"Maybe i just frop you some lines in Englisch. Please belenient towards me I still feel ashamed to write in Englisch but I take it as a practise and it just inspired me that you wrote in English.
Well, I wanted to tell you anyway how supprised I was obout your call on Christmas!! Thanks so much, Piranha, I was so happy about that, that my heart just opend at that very moment I realized you were on the line!!! :-)

I don't know if I can help you out of your predicament (why are you in that while beeing in love?!?!) but I'll write you some thoughts I have dealt with lately.
Since Ralph and I are together again I often think about all that. You know I did so many detours and loop ways, lived with other men, mad my experiences, of which I am so glad to have had each an every single one of them, and are now back to where I started from! Am I back to Where I started from or is it just irrelevant where we get to because all what counts in the way? Is not every journey like a pearl and an enrichment in our life? Every human being I met on my way changed me a little every stone I picked up from the road and shared my time with is now dear to me and every experinence I made still counts much in my life. I wouldn't talk to Ralph after all that like I do it now, I wouldn't treat him the way I do it now even our sex was diffrent before we split up two years ago. I am somehow much more relaxed, have more confidence in the relationship and in myself. Isn't it just normal that you need to go your own way to find yourself before you can really be with another person? And isn't it somehow signifficant for everything what happens to us in our lifes? I don't know if every thing will work out in the way we wish but I am so glad to be with Ralph again now! Somehow he urged me a little to take my decision about us. I understood that the situation was not easy for him. Maybe I still would have needed some more time but I also felt resposible for a person I love and didn't want to be unfair. There was just something about him I never could forget...! :-)
so i hope you ll escape that 'artist-dilemma" and hug you tight, your Lisa"

"Hey dear Piranha

I read your email and I felt like I could hear you talking next to me. I am sorry I havent replied to you before on msn. Sometimes I wasnt anywhere near my computer and saw your messages later and sometimes I just could not....

well, the reason was because lately i dont want to share what is going on in my fucking life with anybody...especially somebody who knows the whole story from the beginning.

i dont where you are and whether your inspiration is already there with you or not but could you please sing a song for me? just like the good old days in the common room of our house? I have a long story to tell....i will write you some other time...right now there is not a single thing i can hold on to in mylife...i have no fucking idea of what i want and where i will be in the future...i am at hendriks place and i have to go now...but just wanted to tell you my friend that I love you so much and i miss your warm spirit in this cold berlin!

i am sorry again...i will try to keep more in touch!, Z."

"its cold and grey here. the sky hangs low stoping any extra light from breaking threw to chear these short days.  althoe the days are getting noticibly longer and with a brighter whiter light than befoe winter solstice.  inspirational slumps always seem to catch me off guard.  like all of the suden i try to express what i know is there, but this time i cant seem to find it.  terribly frustrating.  for me my inspiration comes partly from how i feel at the moment, but more so from my suroundings.  i have never spent any time in LA.  big citys piss me off not because of the city itself, i think the idea of a everything that makes a city run is absolutly fasinating.  but those who live in a city is what i really find disturbing.  i am a creature of the earth raised with soil under my bare feet.  touching the things that grow. loving the things that live longer and shorter than me.  people that spend to much time standing on concreate seem to lose track of the things that make them human.  like humbleness is exchanged for iritation.  and compasion is exchanged for an ego.  those people have almost forgotten who we are, distracted by advertisments and consumerism. i seem to live on the border of two worlds this planet being one of them and the human world being the other.  i am frightened that some day soon the earth will wake up and say, hey we are all in this togeather, pay attention to what maters most.  i find as i hit these keys i am listening to my own words as they come.  i am no prime example of a child of earth.  but i do look twords it for advice and guidance when im without inspiration or feeling sad about things that matter little or not at all to the ages of earth.  i hope you found your missing song.  lots of love ~eivin~(my twin cousin. we were born in the same half an hour, on two different sides of the planet...)

"i was just remniscing how you played that song for me in the backyard in Basel, about this beautiful moment after hour Math exam and how the sun shone in and the wine...and love.....it was sooooo beautiful! your song!!!
try, to always find back to YOURSELF, piranha....i realize again and again, and especially right now, how important and difficult that is....!!!! to let oneself be distracted from the essential and just live on, vegetate, exist....in life is so fucking convenient..... and unfortunately many people are doing exactly this.....isn't that depressing somehow?
lots of love, hope you find back into a creative phase, miss you tons, E."

"Piranha, my love,
what is it that oppresses your creative flow? maybe you have to accept that now, as cheesy as this might sound. I am afraid that there is no other possibility than to 'love what IS'....
You will see, in the last second the trust will be rewarded, the trust you have in life. That's anyways it: TRUSTING. nothing else is more comforting, calming, than the belief in everything is gonna be allright. FIND YOUR CHILD AND TAKE IT IN YOUR ARMS< EMBRACE IT.
Ah, yeah, INSPIRATION for ME was YOUR little book from which you read your short stories to me, my sunflower Piranha...do you remember how we were sitting on my bed? that really touched me....maybe you have it with you? because in there you already have your No. 1 lyrics!!!!hihi...
Well, you have to go through this now, and most certainly those downs (the soul downs and also the crea-downs) are good for something....I AM SURE about that!!!! because otherwise you can't move on. right????
Dearest Piranha, if i may give you a tip...cat stevens wrote very simple and moving lyrics....i send you a song by him....love is all u need.
your cosmasista A"

"Hey Piranha, my fish
Arent there also songs without big important messages?
Just listen to the songs YOU like:
What do they tell You?
About motherfuckers or schoolteachers(hey, leave them kids alone) or
isnt it just the MUSIC that captures the unspeakable in its broad wings?
Love you much,#
Your sis always
A."

and Lothar wrote me a long mail in German, analysing creative downs and writers block and suggestions how to deal with it. sweet.

I was too tired to translate more german mails i got. but they are all encouraing and full of love. even my chinese friend wrote me, via messenger, and my sis J called me immediately and C from Berlin too....thank you so much....


THE CONCLUSION is: okay, it is OKAY to be afraid to strip and show what my songs are like. If i have such a hard time to get over that, why don't I just go ahead and as a beginning write songs FOR MY FRIENDS, and title them with their respective names? because, the trick here would be: if somebody doesn't like it i'll be just like: yeah, it s not for YOU fucker, it s for Elissa!!!!! hahahahahaha.........and my friends or strangers have always been THE inspiration for my songs, more than my own life. (although i could sing a lot about that too, but man, it s just not as easy for me....letting go, showing my innermost feelings....awwwww)


so ...yeah....we will see....love love love to all of you. one big love