i come home, after talking a night through with a stranger who turned out to be a soulmate at santa monica beach with wine and cigarettes and beautiful stars, birds and waves and an amazing sunrise.
my sister says no word.
i am like 'hey sis, i explain you later what happened i have to run to school'
she 'you don't have to explain anything'
me 'well, if you are not interested... - are you mad or something?'
she 'no, just my usual bitchy self'
and then 'you don't like me (and all that in front of her son!) - and nah, don't you even pretend you do!'
i look at her, speechless
turn on my heels and walk out of the house
what a fucking offense
what a fucking way of making me feel guilty
what a fucking stupid way of trying to control me and make me be more at home
as if i didn't have my own life
as if it was a fucking crime to have an own life while living with her (yeah, doing the dishes is not exactly the same thing like emotional investment, but hey, i have emotionally invested, i wouldn't fucking feel so offended otherwise!)
as if she was actually seeing me and loving the true me
she doesn't see me and she doesn't even bother to
she asks me superficial questions about my love just to denounce and analytically kill it and tell me how i should better do it and go and you a guy that is that cool that you should be lucky to be with him, not the other way around
she wants to know the gossip and comes hard down on that, fucking judgemental attitude she has.
oh thats her way of showing her care and love? good. i don't even give a FUCK if you don't really see me!!!
so maybe she can't know why i was gone the last past days because i ve been gone before without an explanation
but i told her i would and she doesn't want to know. and yeah, in the end, it doesn't matter, i wouldn't tell her about my crisis with D. anyways because she would tear him and me apart and probably would post a datingad in some fucking internet site.
just me rambling....
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