meeting point

do you know this feeling when in a split second seemingly entirely different threads come together in one knot?
you feel like on a crossroads, above you the wide sky. a cloud drifting by...
thread one:
all of the sudden he burst out: oh my god, this song is about YOU! it's my favorite song ever, since I am 7! it is about you, listen, do you listen? here, listen! listen to the lyrics......
:
Well she’s walking through the clouds
With a circus mind that’s running round
Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairy tales
That’s all she ever thinks about
Riding with the wind.

When I’m sad, she comes to me
With a thousand smiles, she gives to me free
It’s alright she says it’s alright
Take anything you want from me, anything
Anything.

Fly on little wing,
Yeah yeah, yeah, little wing

he looks at me, my hand in his. he doesn't see it, but I am holding my tears back. oh my love. but I smile, yes, too.
'maybe that's why I have loved you all these years' he says. we've met five months ago...

thread two:
in the very beginning he called me 'wild child' because I reminded him of this song:

All right, wild child full of grace
Savior of the human race, your cool face
Natural child, terrible child
Not your mother’s or your father’s child
Your our child, screamin’ wild
An ancient lunatic reigns in the trees of the night
Ha, ha, ha, ha
With hunger at her heels, freedom in her eyes
She dances on her knees, pirate prince at her side
Stirrin’ into a hollow idols eyes
Wild child full of grace, savior of the human race
Your cool face, your cool face, your cool face
Do you remember when we were in africa?

but one day he said that I am not really a wild child, I am more. but in reality I AM a wild child. that's why I got together with him in the first place; the fact that he saw and was okay with it..
and it is interesting that my wife said yesterday that she has the impression that I am not my mothers or my fathers child, but that I am parent to myself. that's why I put so much importance in whatever happens to me. treating myself like a child. hm...

thread three:
So I sit in the car with him, to pay his phonebill, he is broke, I have lots of financial aid money, so that makes me the bank, get over it already. manly pride *poof*
He says how funny it is that he hangs out with so many Italians these days. I say one day you'll live with me in Italy.
He says 'probably I am going to live in San Francisco. you know, some things are inevitable. I talked to G_____ about that yesterday. Some things are just inevitable.'
my heart grows heavy once more. the fatality of fate strikes me one more time.

thread four:
I remember how I thought recently, when he told me that he wants to become the greatest sound engineer and producer in the world, that breaking up with him would probably help him in attaining that goal. It would just drive him more into his work. It breaks my heart to think that. Does a supernatural goal demand such a human sacrifice? The sacrifice of a happy family? probably. think of Michelangelo, think of Napoleon, think of Nelson Mandela. Sacrifices all over the freaking place.

thread five:
then I think of what my dad said on the phone the other day: you have to decide what to do on the long run Piranha. not only the next three months. the energy to study goes by with a certain age. don't postpone it for too long. and you shouldn't leave the possibility to study in Europe entirely out of your plans. you know, there is a certain dynamics by being in America. (my wife too, mentioned that once, she said, it is like a drug...). There is nothing wrong with it, but at a certain point you have to decide whether or not you want to become an American or European. At some point it will be too late.

I think of my dream of a small little white house with a beautiful garden somewhere in the mediterrean Italy, living a simple family life there with my dear love.

and I cry and I smile in the same time,like the women in our family have done it as far as my memory reaches back: Tragic-Comedy is, when fate catches up with you.