pursuit of happiness. the trap

'we all should go to Hawaii for a month'

I looked at her and I smiled and i cried inside and I thought yes. we all want to be happy. and you are longing, still, for your family. you hated me. you were disppointed by me. and you still want to try it with me. But I know it's not for my sake. It is for the sake of your own happiness, for the sake of the pursuit of your dream, longing for family and happiness.

when she stopped at Lima, Peru, for an hour before the flight 'home' to LA she left her daughter and her daughter's publicist in the airport and went to the city, just for an hour.

and then it struck her hard, all of the sudden: what, if I just run away. If I just disappear. One Email saying 'I missed my life'. and then go, get a baby and do it all right, this time. Go travelling with my kid until it is 10. you know. live the life i wanted to live. No fights with an asshole husband. No kicking in the stummick. No drugs. No abuse. Just strap the baby on my back and see this beautiful world....

I looked at her. And I felt her pain.

how was the bottom line of the movie i watched the other night?

WE
ALL
FALL


and for the pursuit of my own happiness i believe i can't come to Hawaii. I would be happy, superficially, I would feel good. But I chose the other path. I want to work it out with my love...you know...youth....illusions....that we cling on to...and that's allright, as far as I am concerned. just because you know already that the mountain has always been there it doesn't mean you don't have to go and create your own path, right?