what you love most.
self defiance.
jealousie.
rage.
disappointment.
fury.
wrath.
too much love aimed into nowhere.
no real response.
you go
and you do
what hurts most
I start... to ... understand.
so hell yeah! this guy calls. after 30 something. know him from the trainstation at Santa Barbara. He wanted to teach me how to paraglide. on my birthday. I went home, my love couldn't pick me up. I was all sad but it was a good time anyways. Now he calls again. Turns out, he is in FUCKIN LAKE ELSINOR. now, how cool is that. thats where my love was every night of the past week, that's where the house is where he grew up and that's where he can't take me to. so. what a freaking coincidence. going to fly with this guy THERE makes such a bitter sweet revenge for a lack of care. i can't blame my love really. sometimes you've got to take care of yourself first, in order to be able to function at all. but still. ahhh, what a sweet bitter poise. he would come and pick me up with his motorcycle. ahhh, sweet, bitter poise.
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