confusion

so many things to say.

when i felt love like a lightening striking me in the middle of the night and in the middle of nowhere i cried and laughed and cried and lived.
it wasn't easy, as you all know, but it felt really so much more handable (is that a word?) than from what is happening now.
there are really really nice guys and boys out there, no doubts! and thats the problem, i could start liking a few of them.
but love?
and isn't that ecactly what i actually want?
it is difficult to come to a new city in a new country from one of the most gorgeous cities on earth and from the most severe lovestruck that ever happened to the recent me.

*sighs*

so there i name the gorgeous persons: Sean (first of all), Ben, Keita, Luis.

I figured yesterday night after a wild time out with my wife klodetta (we want to marry in Las Vegas, and yes, it is a joke) in HOllyweird (yeah close them bars down at 1 o clock in the morning!!!) that all i feel here is peanuts compared with what i felt for david.
i still cry sometimes when I am PMSing when i think about him and how much i long to feel like this for somebody and actually live that energy....
so as long as i don't have other problems i guess i just have to take my peanuts for the coconuts they falsely appear to be and deal with them anyways.