crushing

ice. crushed ice, limes, brown sugar, peppermint leaves cut into small pieces so the flavor can penetrate the ingredients, alc...
crush.
crush.
crush.
shake
fill it up and enjoy
mojito, ahhhhh. good stuff.

i sit in front of the green room and have this amazing conversation with a vietnam vet, a very wise guy, a 'i wear my sunglasses at night' guy.
immersed in the conversation but still aware enough to realize that he just came back. sean. oh, mojito.
i feel how i am crushing inside. the ice in my soul - crush. i start shivering. bad sign. that happened to me only whenever things got troublesome for me, when i was seriously badly falling, already fallen, ah, i remember nights sleeping in the car in front of pedro's house. shivering. calling him, my teeth shattering like an old womans disease.
sean is hyperactive. walks around, stops, jumps up again, avoids me, seeks me and here he is my brown sugar, the limes pour sour feelings into me, i stop, talk nonesense, behave stupid and basically just too much in reverse control. out of control, but still not letting go.
now, thats a predicament!
i can smell how i crush, it s like peppermint, almost invisible but still unfortunately there. i can feel like every second i push myself deeper into this glas and crush, crush, crush.
and i shake, i start shivering, again.
now all i can hope for is alc, probably, to round this cocktail up, to make it real, to make it whole. sean, i have a huge crush on you, you crush me and i don't know what to do about it, i simply don't know. i mean, other than behaving like i am the dummest person around here, of course.

i want you to touch my hand and not worry about how soft it is, and not worry about how it gets you in trouble, and i don't want you to run away to where ever you have to go, i want you to touch it, hold it and i promise, i will return much more than you actually ever hoped for.....

mojito, oh my mojito.....why is it, that i always get back to my favorite cocktails?