yes, i confess.I am sick like I haven't been for a very very long time. I hardly can swallow at all, can't really talk, feel like a wretched human being and have nothing else to do than thinking. or suffering ;-)
so i thought about what might be the next post about my dark sides. and i came across the following. and although it is not actually something very bad or something i have to be ashamed nor afraid of i figured that it belongs to the dark sides, as i have always thought that i am not a racist. and to confess that i most probably am is quite difficult to do...
so here we go...
i have always sort of said it is a klischee about me, and i don't know how this legend was created that i am all into coloured people but i think now it is time to confess that i am a racist of a strange sort.
I mean, I was in love with 'whiteys', I had a white boyfriend, so it s not too bad. I don't really want to care about the colour of skin.
But I can't help it, it s true that I check the coloured ones first out before the rest of the crowd.
Is it like a bad sort of jungle fever? I don't know. I wish it wasn't. Maybe it's because I've always sympathized with the minorities, no matter which. But that can't be all to it. I am simply more attracted by black or other coloured folks.
As if it would matter....
Strange, huh, but apparently it does matter, otherwise there wouldn't be such a great fuzz about it....
i mean, generally.
See, it already starts with the majority of bloggers i read frequently: black folks from all over the world.
Then my conviction that my kids won't be white. Never, I just can't imagine that. It s as if this was burnt in my hardware somehow.
My interest in everything that is connected with africa, in the broadest meaning of the word. I mean the whole atlantic black diaspora....Honestly, i can't help it, this is just how things are...
The guy who got me in trouble over here, raising my heart rate each time I see him at my school - he is one of you guys....It s not like I am blinded. I still can distinguish between stupid and good people. but there is a strong tendency that draws me towards black folks.
I've already phantasized that I probably was myself black last life (yes I do believe in re-incarnation) and thats why I feel like home with my black friends. It's interesting to be white, I guess, I mean, there is so much to deal with, so much bullshit that my white ancestors created so much to make up for. I know, its not like black folks don't know how to do bad things, good lord, no, but there is definitely a very specific package that comes along with being white. and I guess i just have to carry that. which will not, of course, by any means prevent me from having my chocolate babies and indulging in my jungle fever without ever taking pills to cure it!!!! And strongly hoping that there are people out there who don't care about colour as much as I do (well, to be honest, it s not so much only the colour but also the difference of mentality!) ......you know!~?
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