here comes the moon, lalalala, it s allright, we all got issues (humm this in your head to the melody of 'here comes the sun by the beatles, will you!

so okay, i made my mind up. I will try to let the dark sides die a little, as amadeo pointed out that might happen if i dragged them into the light. here we go. (but slow!)

where should i start? damn. thats difficult.
what was i talking about? my fears?
fears....
oh, no, lets start with the embarrassing things I recognized about me.

For example, when I was in Germany and would have those 'getting to know you' conversations with someone, especially with someone from America, I would always (although I always told myself I wouldn't) mention at some point that my cousin is a famous popsinger in the States. Always. And yeah, it does not coincide with my actual convictions of how i wanna be and what is important to me. I would always mention it.
That'd be allright in itself, but the embarrassing bit is, that I would always also say "you know, in America I wouldn't be able to say that because I would immediately cease to be Piranha but merely and only 'her cousin'. YOu know....I don't really care about that, I mean, it's not my fault or my doing that she became famous and she is also like 8 years or so older....but here in Europe thats okay to mention..'

I had people from America call their friends in the states saying "you won't believe it but I am actually hanging out right now with * *'s cousin!"

And yes, it made me more interesting and special to many of them and it annoys the fuck out of me to think that I was so stupid. That I used it for me. Because thats in the end what I did, maybe not all of it, but certainly part of the motivation to mention it.

Argh.

You know, it s this disgusting mix of behaving cool and laid back ('i don't care, really!" uh) and I am not really like that. It's all about attracting people. But then again, its interesting, for them too, so it's a two sided issue, as always probably. But it annoys me nevertheless.

after having confessed that I can go to my next class....'owning and operating a music business' - should be fun. I like figures and business plans *chuckle*
don't think that this is it...it s really only one embarrassing thing I found about myself and it s probably pretty much close to the surface still.....

love to ya all out there.

the blushed and gnawing piranha