oh man!
let me think...how long has it been now that I've seen my Gipsy more or less on a regular basis?
maybe three, four weeks? maybe five? I don't remember. it was before Halloween for sure. definetely...because Fred, his fucked up pothead friend drove me in a kick ass car with kick ass music to this boring west hollywood gay parade...
so...five weeks maybe, maybe less, seems like an eternity anyways. I remember that evening when he came to 'my room' as we call this beautiful french restaurant on Hollywood Blvd, Brasserie les Voyons...My wife and me were having wine, cigarettes and applepie, apple tart it is actually, and I don't remember why he joined us.
She left at some point and we were talking and holding hands and he said 'I am glad we met again'. I remember how I started to raise this wall inside and how I tried to fight it because Keita just had mentioned this wall a few hours earlier, as if he had seen right through me...I couldn't hold the tears back for some reason I didn't say much but it sure was a special moment, yeah I know I know I blogged about that already in another post....
anyways....I hung out with him because it was so easy going and so cool to be with someone who completely lets you free, isn't it ironic....someone who calls you 'wild child full of grace' and who says with this wonderful wonderful voice 'you know, Piranha, I think we should write this chapter together...' who wouldn't want to explore a little bit more and taste from this wild, sweet wine that makes you a little drunk, drunk of freedom in a bottle?
I kept on flirting with other guys, dated other guys. Sean was on my mind, always, somewhen Luis played a role and Keita was always there but I knew always that he for sure would be a heart friend but nothing more....unfortunately, but I cannot help but follow this inner voice that warns me every now and then....
The Gipsy was cool with that. 'do your thing' was his motto but he still would call me a lot and whenever I had enough I just would tell him 'hey, the wild child s making me some trouble i can't see you'.
However, as we spent more and more time together, who d be surprised, things transformed bit by bit...guys fell off me like leaves fall off a withering flower. the excitement and confusion of the first weeks dwindled down to some little fits of outbursting flirt attacks and mind struggles of mine...
I started getting pissed off because Gipsy had to leave my motorhome in the middle of the night to see his obscure gipsy cousins or just be at home at his aunts house....I started getting pissed off because he only eats once a day, and then pizza. my god, thats fucking BAD for you! aaargh. I started to hold his hand even around my school although it was sort of clear between us that this was a taboo.
PIRANHA CAN"T BE ANYONES GIRLFRIEND!
yesterday he stayed at my house again...actually he had to leave again but when I woke up around six o clock in the morning he was still there....and you know, those beautiful moments when you just wake up there are no inhibitions and borders between you and the person you sleep next to? I put my arms around him and held him tight and felt so close to him....incredible beautiful feeling that is.....passionate kisses, 'piranha, oh piranha' followed by some crazy rumanian words....that i didn't understand of course....
then I met my wife in my room at Brasserie les Voyons. He again joined us and later when we were back to school I chatted with a friend of mine in Berlin....I told her about my Gipsy and we talked and talked and as she is dating a rumanian guy as well she told me how to say 'kiss me' and 'i love you' in rumanian and she concluded from what I wrote 'Piranha, you love him!'
me, of course, paranoid, 'no, no, not in this way, you know blablablabla'
when he joined me and my wife later as we were playing together (she piano, me singing) I took his hand while she was organizing something....I said 'seruta me', kiss me and we kissed...IN THE FUCKING SCHOOL BUILDING....he smiled such a cute smile and said 'wow you are getting braver, i dig that!'
i was embarrassed and looked away but man, today, the whole evening, i feel these butterflies and I am all silly and laughing hysterically like a stupid 13 year old girl that has a highschool crush on somebody. My wife is mightyly amused of course and very satisfied because she as among those people who bugged me to make a decision...but how could i make a decision? I don't know, but man, these butterflies. and it s so weird, because now, when I see him, I am nervous and don't know what to do and how to act and shit, and thats after at least three weeks of trusting moments and being close to each other in some way or the other.
I turn away when he comes, 'oh no he is coming' and talking about him all the time and I want to fucking see him all the time and there is no freakin reason to feel this way...except for
those
weird
weird
butterflies.........fly, butterfly, fly!
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