there i sit

with tears in my mind.
soul music is painting the appropriate soundwrap around my thoughts and feelings,
I am holding back, forget to bury my tongue, explode and withdraw, not sure how i want to be.
i must be fine because my heart is still beating...
ah, oh. when an earthquake turns our world upside down we all try to get over the crying, try to rebuild, try to pretend that everything is just business as usual, god knows, we have to move on, go on, walk on, breath on, work on, routine requires our attention our commitment. and if it is too crass, if it is too extreme, if the world is just a little bit too quere and converse we pretend that the new status quo is just what we know.

but lord, i don't! i don't! it s nothing I know! Nothing I know about! It s like going to school and learning how to read all over again. or learning how to drive a bicycle. we see everybody elses doing it, we are told it's all cool, manageable, and we still marvel and distrust, doubt and hope that we can do the same.

child, child, wild wild child, just get off the ground and try again. keep on trying. i love him so much that i want to cry. i love him so much that i want to throw my whole life over board and start it all over again. i love him so much that it scares me. i love him so much that in sober moments i start asking myself whether i did just talk myself into it. whether i am just a little extreme piscies nature that will change her mind in about a week. i love him so much that i want to be with him constantly. i love him so much that i want to know all about him. i love him so much that i want to kiss the walls he touched and the ground he walked on. that i want to hug and embrace him all the time and when i see him and i can't touch him because there are words inbetween us i cry out in silence and hate all this air that bridges the gap between him and me. i want to be close and closer. never let him go, set him free, love him, want him to love me.

ah, oh. when an earthquake turns our world upside down we are just busy not to drown in the overkill of new impressions and need of orientation. sometimes we just let go and float along and this is when we hear the most beautiful song

of love

true love

in every every moment

ah, oh.....

soul music is painting circles and spirals into this sea of tears in my mind, i try to hold onto him, and see him with my heart. and smile with my eyes and kiss his soul with the embrace of my entire world