I tried to cry.
It would help I guess.
But this flower didn't die. My tears watered it long before I buried my hopes. My heart skipped two seasons. From staggering and blissful and bloomy spring with oh so sweet aroma it switched to winter, freezing cold, no time for dying but slow icing up.
It hurts. It takes my breath away like chilli cold winter air did when I was a kid and woke up early in winter mornings to watch shooting stars so bright and seemingly close.
I was totally cool about it. My friends who know about the David story all asked me whether I met him this weekend. Because they knew he promised to see me this weekend. And they know I told him already twice that I am okay if it doesn't work out if he only lets me know. It s not fair the other way around. Obviously. But I was cool. I said, I didn't expect it anyways and that I guess he is kind of postponing the decision (which fucking decision though? we were just supposed to meet to put things into perspective. not to fuck dammit) and doesn't notify me assuming that he could keep me at it, by letting me wait in a vacuum.
But I am not a god damn product that you can conserve in a vacuum.
I pack my stuff and leave. I see the wonders and magic of the world, I sing songs, I meet people, I laugh, love, hate, feel, think, do. All that. Without you.
When I saw this young mother with her little boy on her lap the tears dwelled up in my eyes. I still couldn't cry but it stabbed my heart. I am so childish.
5 comments:
If by childish you mean, "Like a child who feels with her whole heart" then yes.
You breathe your feelings, your heart beats your feelings, pulsing through your veins and beats like a drum in your chest. You judge yourself for this?
Silly Piranha. Just feel. You do it so beautifully. So beautiful you are...
"I see the wonders and magic of the world, I sing songs, I meet people, I laugh, love, hate, feel, think, do. All that. Without you."
Continue to thrive... on your own. Don't allow someone to suck all of zest for life, that you have.
I've figured out why I find you so endearing, Piranha...
You remind me of a German girl I went to college with, named Cordula Huessmann. She and I became good buddies while there, in hell, but I've lost touch with her.
keep feeling.
I don't have any trouble getting over my melancholy...infact I get over it so well that I make sure to savor it at the time. We flow through so many feelings I make sure I roll everyone around in my mouth for a minute.
>nods at amedeo's wise words<
wow, okay, so you roll it around in your mouth and then you decide whether ?
hm. :)
thanks for your words, all of you. and it s really funny how i am really cool now. so cool, so chilli, so frozen. i didn't expect i would seriously feel that way. in a theatrical way, - yes. but so involuntarily, hm. nope. it s really interesting. in a way.
coffey, life is funny. is circeling in spirales i guess. :)
Post a Comment