ps

to have the cake, and eat it TOO!!!

I ALWAYS wanted that! really!

but somehow it feels good to say: no, thanks, I am on a diet.
makes you feel, well, somewhat special. like 'i am strong enough to do this. hehehe!'
of course I want the cake and eat it too. but the better alternative to either just having it or eating it is for me now to NOT have it at all and NOT to eat ANY cake.

that is, nope, although my morality slowly deteriorates, just as my desires to be with him and my yearning for him increase (they will cease, too, some day....), I am pretty firm in my decision NOT to make out with him as long as there is another female heart involved. i have to repeat that to myself, however, like a mantra, just to make sure that I won't do something foolish in a sudden moment of turning my beliefs upside down.....