spend a day in Germany's bureaucracy. welcome to the insane world

do you know these situations when EVERYTHING somehow doesn't go the way it should and in the end you find yourself at the crossway of either starting to cry or starting to hysterically laugh at you, the situation and badluck's ugly sense of humor???

I chose the second way but until then I found myself quite often at the verge of crying. Welcome to the insane world of the pettyfoggery of Germany's bureaucracy... (Mr. Asshole's opinon on that is that the real reason why German's economy is down is exactly it's petty bureaucracy which slows everything down. and the missing sense of effective customer service behavior)

I need a social security number.
I get out at the underground station they told me to get off. There is no embassy around, not to speak o the street it is supposed to be at. The street, they tell me is in another district. At the other end of Berlin.

Great. To cross Berlin from one end to the other you need more than one hour by public transportation. My bike? Forget it. Hours. Hours.

At least, I think, I can go and get my provisional ID because my purse got stolen and I need an ID for my application for Starbucks. I have to have it until Thursday.

I go to the next county courthouse or whatever it is. They send me to the next building where I tell a woman what I need. She even doesn't really seem to listen but gives me a number, please wait. I go to the holding area. I boggle. There are MORE THAN 40 PEOPLE WAITING!!!
I chuckle, walk with a fat grin on my face to a free chair. Its hot. And it smells like there are many human beings. I feel like a sheep. LIke a SHEEP.

At some point another sheep walks in. Just like me she boggles and then she says very loudly and clearly: OH MY GOD, ARE YOU ALL HERE FOR THE BÜRGERAMT???
NOBODY answers. It s as if the people froze and don't dare to look at each other.
I almost fall off my chair because I have to laugh so hard. She just said what EVERYBODY thought. They can't bare that. hahaha. Of course everybody thought the same at home: Today is a HOT day. people are going to be at the beach. I am so clever. I ll go today to the Bürgeramt and will be treated like a king and get home quickly. hahaha. Too bad sheep have the same sort of brain. I wish I didn'T have one.

After two long hours of waiting it s finally my turn. I go to the indicated room. There is an individual sitting. I smile, try to add a nice moment to his long day, say friendly good morning. He stares at the computer. No eyecontact. Poof. So, well, you miss a smile. WHATEVER!
After I explain what happened he says in a very aggressive and mean tone: so why are you here then? (didn't you know that you are completely wrong here? i bet you came here only to annoy me. you mean little bitch!) I say well, they told me to come here. who? (i gonna kill this bitch of secretary!) I say, well sorry, I didn'T mean to bother you, you know, - you don'T bother me (get THE FUCK out of here!)
- without a word and with my most arrogant mask I rush out of the room, silently cursing in English, near to crying. Fuck you Mr. Clerk! Two hours of my day. Okay. It s interesting to get an idea what it feels like to be a sheep. It makes you wanna go to New Zealand.

So I go to the next department. After I have explained I don'T know how many times already today what happened and what I need the woman says: you have to go to the Bürgeramt. In a desperate attempt I explain again and say, listen, lady, I just come from THERE, they sent me here! I am not going to go there!
Perplexed she blinks at me. I say, listen, I am not registered here with my principal residence. maybe thats...Oh then you have to go to this and that department of course. - oh well, okay, I ll do that. it s half past two. I didn't have breakfast yet.

In this and that department they listen to what I have to say and explain me that it is not possible to do what I require. I say, listen, I just need an effing provisional ID! Is that so difficult damn. They say, well you have to do that in the town of your principal residence.

That is about 1500 miles away, but okay. I can't possibly do that until thursday. So at least, can I fill out that form that we have to fill out when our purse gets stolen? (there is a blank for everything in Germany...) I do that and feel very successful. I decide to get that bill of health I need in order to start working. They tell me the according department is over the square at the other side....

I leave and look for it. It s hot. HOT. And I am thirsty. Why the fuck don't they have waterspenders in a public building? The had no water left in the vending machine. I had to drink that disgusting sweet over sugared thing of Fanta. Bah! I don't find the building. I find a woman who is in a humane mood. She helps me in a very friendly way. I calm down. She tells me after searching the internet for at least 15 minutes (did I already mention that I am terribly impatient? this gonna cause me some stummick cancer one day!) that I have to go to the building I just CAME from.

What the eff??? WHY DIDN'T they know that the health department is in THEIR building???
Tired I shuffle back to THAT building. I ask the secretary where I have to go. She hisses at me: it s written on that table! Sorry, excuse me, I didn't want to bother. (What the fuck are secretaries for then? I have a fucking diploma as a manager's secretary. But okay, this is public. We shouldn''T expect anything here...)

Its on the fourth floor. I fill out everything that you need to fill out. So, that costs 14 Euros. What? My purse got stolen, fuck, and i have no money, and I have no way to get money from my account right now! Because, in order to et money personally from the bank I have to go BACK TO MY HOMETOWN. which is, as I said before 1500 miles away from here.
Hail German Bureaucracy!!!

So I leave. It s five pm. I stroll back to the square. I would like to eat icecream now. Lots of icecream. I look around. I see at least 10 booths were they sell sausages. German sausages. HOT SAUSAGES. Not a single icecream booth. I go to the grocery store. No ice cream. I go to the kiosk. NO icecream.

I start to laugh.

Hysterically.

Don't they know that you make lots of money in the summertime .... with.... ICE CREAM???